Page 24 of Holding The Reins

A few seconds of silence sits between us and I feel the need to say something.

“Dad really loved you.”

He nods, but doesn’t look at me. “He was the best, never be another like him,” he says so quietly that it’s almost a whisper.

I look straight ahead and fight the tears threatening to spill. I clear my throat. “Anyway, he told me a man should be there for me. He said someone that loved me wouldn’t make me travel home alone for Christmas, especially when my dad was so sick. And then he insinuated that maybe Andrew was being unfaithful to me. I realized in that moment if it was that obvious to my dad from across the country, that all the excuses I was making for him was just me lying to myself.”

“So you found out for sure there was another woman after that?”

“Women,” I correct.

Nash turns his face to me, looking both surprised, and if I didn’t know any better, just downright angry.

“Son of a bitch…” he mutters.

“Tell me about it.” I smirk because there’s nothing I can do but laugh at this point.

“I started watching what he did more carefully, looked at his credit card charges, saw lunches and dinners for two that didn’t include me, charges to lingerie stores when I hadn’t received anything from him…”

“Jesus, CeCe.”

The old steps of Stardust creek under our feet as we climb them. Inside, I direct Nash to my newly set up computer desk in front of the kitchen window as I turn on the lamp in the entryway. He sets the box down and I go to the kitchen to get something to open it with. I turn the light over the stove on and it offers us a soft glow in the dark room.

“The real kicker was when I took his coats to the dry cleaners in May like I do every year. When I picked them up, the clerk handed me a little garment bag with a glittery pink thong inside. She said it was in the inside pocket, assuming it was mine. I hadn’t thought to check it. I knew in that moment with certainty. Those were the most humiliating days I’ve ever lived through but I knew what I had to do. I just kept hearing my dad’s voice. I still dream about it sometimes, and it makes me feel like he’s proud of my decision and it seems silly, but maybe he’s visiting me in my dreams to tell me.”

I’m rambling at this point and then remember who I’m talking to. In another life, I assume Nash was like Andrew.

“More story than you bargained for, sorry.” I laugh awkwardly as I cut into the box. I turn to him to find his eyes raking over me, as if he’s deep in thought.

“No woman ever deserves to be cheated on, used, or degraded. I’m damn glad you listened to your dad and followed your gut instincts.”

I eye him up as I start pulling books out of the box.

“I haven’t really been fair to you, Nash. I guess I was seeing you as the old you—more like Andrew.”

He blows out a raspberry and looks horrified when I look up at him.

“You think I’d treat a woman like that?” he asks.

I shrug, trying to be careful with my words so I don’t insult my new boss. Sometimes I wish I had a filter between my brain and my mouth. I turn away and avoid his searing blue eyes, fumbling to backtrack.

“Well… I… not the cheating part, but you always had a different girl, every day of the week. I read things when you played hockey. That model you dated, she said you were sleeping with Cory Kane’s wife.”

Nash takes his hat off and sets it down on my sofa as he runs a hand through his hair before moving to the window. Sugarland mountain is still ominous even in the dark out the window.

“I don’t give a fuck what anyone in the media thinks about me. That model I dated that you’re talking about—Kelsey. We were never serious and I never cheated on her. I’ve dated a lot of women, casually, yes… but I would never cheat on someone. Not ever. Every woman I’ve ever been with knew where I stood. I don’t date. I don’t do relationships. Kelsey just thought she’d be the one to change me. It became real apparent to me that she was more concerned with her social media followers than me after only a few weeks. We were long through when she said those things about me to TMZ and none of them were true.”

He moves away from the window and comes closer to me. It’s odd to be alone with Nash like this.

“Cory knows it, I know it, and his wife knows it. I’m actually still very close with them, I talk to Cory at least once a week. Hell, that’s where I celebrated Christmas last year and I just went to their son’s birthday party in June. Rumors are par for the course. Kelsey was looking for her fifteen minutes of fame, and she got it. She seemed genuine when I met her.”

He moves closer and his hands slide to my shoulders and grip me tightly as he looks down at me, his sapphire pools just boring into my eyes and I can tell instantly that he’s being honest.

“Make no mistake, what Andrew did to you was wrong, and you deserve so much fucking better, Rae.”

I’m not prepared for the magnetism that is Nash one foot from me, staring down at me with his navy eyes. I don’t have the will to do anything but stare back up at him. This proximity, his words, his hands on my body. Hell, even his delicious scent is commanding every ounce of my attention. He tucks a piece of hair behind my ear and that simple action alone is like striking a match against my skin.

His gaze travels to my mouth. I watch his throat bob as he swallows. Am I seriously thinking about what it would feel like to have Nash Carter’s lips on mine? God, they’re nice lips. The vision of us melting together instantly sends heat to my core. My pulse quickens in a way that it hasn’t for a man in so long, and I can feel every single piece of clothing I’m wearing touching my skin. Our breathing syncs as his thumb slides errantly under the neckline of my t-shirt and traces my shoulder gently.

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