Page 137 of Threaded

A promise they should’ve known could never be kept.

Now, she sat there, silent and trembling, as Andrian rested his hands on the counter on either side of her hips before he hung his head. He was so close to her that the black wisps of his hair brushed against the soft cashmere of her cream sweater, so close she could smell his rain and sandalwood scent.

He smelled like the Ivory Forest, like those trees at the heart of Onita where she’d spent her childhood wandering and learning and growing.

He smelled likehome.

And then he began to speak.

“I was wrong,” he said, his voice barely a whisper, so filled with regret and pain and suffering and everything Mariah suddenly wished she could wipe from him.

But she wasn’t sure he was ready for that. Wasn’t sure thatshewas ready for that. Not yet, not until she heard what he had to say.

“What do you mean?” Her words were soft and hesitant.

Andrian lifted his head slightly, still not meeting her gaze. He looked instead at the skin of her arm, as if reassuring himself that she was there and real. That he was also those things.

“I waswrong,nio. So, so,sovery wrong.”

Her voice caught in her throat as she tried to push out her next words.

“How were you wrong?”

“I thought—Ibelieved—that what was best for you, was … not me. I thought with every threat, every danger I carried just by being near you, that it would be best for you to be far, far away from me. I figured I would get through the Selection, wouldn’t be named to your Armature, and would be sent off as a general to lead a legion somewhere. I would become a war hero, just as my father wanted, and you would be safe, forever.

“But then … you showed up and slashed all of those plans to bits. And Ihatedyou for it. Not only that—I hatedmyselfeven more. To make it all worse, I couldn’t seem to stay away from you. You fascinated me. You got under my skin and made my blood sting and crawl and fuckinghurt. It made me feel alive, for the first time in my miserable life. So, I found loopholes around my father’s … command. I figured I could fuck you, just once, just enough to sate this obsession, and then I would be able to move on. I didn’t expect what you would do to me next.”

He finally raised his head further, meeting her gaze, and Mariah’s heart nearly stopped.

There were tears—actualtears—gleaming in his wild, tanzanite eyes.

“Every single inch of me craved—craves—you. I didn’t just want to know your body. I wanted to know your brilliant mind, your wild soul, the deepest parts of yourself you would never dare share with anyone. I wanted it all. And I couldn’t fucking handle it. It didn’t matter that my father re-issued his threat. I couldn’t stand that there might actually be someone in this world who would complete me so fully that every fucked up thought I’d ever had would suddenly make sense.”

Mariah wasn’t sure she was breathing. She also wasn’t sure when the tears had begun to roll freely down her cheeks, not until she felt Andrian’s large, warm hand there, wiping them from her face before he continued speaking.

“So, I pushed you away. Again. And this time, I thought it was for good.” That moment on the balcony. When he’d sworn once again he would never make that final commitment to her, despite the magic singing between their souls.

His other hand moved to cup the other side of her face, and his fingers curled into the thick hair at the nape of her neck. And in that moment, she’d never felt so safe, so … home.

“But when I did, I fuckingdied. Everything was so painfully, atrociously quiet. I couldn’t sleep, I could hardly eat. I didn’t feelanythingwithout you in my life. I wanted to avoid you, to prove to myself I could eventually live without you. That I could forge a path as the un-bonded Armature I was always cursed to be.

“Then I saw you in the hallway. Just now. And it was like my heart started beating again. I feel like I’ve finally woken up, and I realize now I was mostly just a selfish bastard who could never do what he needed to do to truly protect you from the biggest threat in your life: me.”

A sob choked from Mariah’s throat.

“You brought me back to life, Mariah. And I don’t care if this means our very existence is now damned, or if this makes me the weakest man in the entire kingdom. But I love you. And I will love you until the stars blink out of existence and the moons drop from the sky. I love you with everything I am, and everything I will ever be.”

Shuddering sobs wracked Mariah’s chest as tears flowed freely down her face. Some caught in the pads of Andrian’s thumb still resting gently against her cheeks, but most now spotted the cream of her sweater, the tangles of her dark hair, the softness of her leggings. She gripped Andrian’s hand against her face, clenching his fingers in hers, and he in turn tightened his hold. He stepped in closer to her until his forehead rested against hers, his body alighting every nerve in her own that had fallen dormant over the last week.

“You brought me back to life too, Andrian.” Her voice was a shuddering whisper, but so filled with that new, foreign emotion she couldn’t hold it back. That same one she’d been told all her life was a weakness.

A wave of doubt suddenly spread through her stomach, a warning against defying the voice she’d always blindly followed.

But … maybe that’s all it was. A voice in her head. A projection of her deepest fears, born from a time when being trapped in a miserable crossroad town was the worst thing that could happen to her.

She was no longer in that town, and she was no longer that girl.

None of this made her feel weak. In fact, what she felt right now was a surge of strength, more powerful than any she’d felt in her entire life.

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