Page 62 of Shade of Ruin

My hands tighten around his wrists, but I know that of all the fears I could have about Cole, the fear of him dropping me is not one of them. That grip on my waist won’t fail any sooner than his sword would fail in combat. I can feel all the emotions rolling through him, and none of them are doubt. None of them get close to fear or nervousness. It’s pure excitement and pride because he can feel my emotions too, and I’m not afraid either.

“I’m glad you’ve started to trust me,” he whispers.

That comment after our conversation only an hour ago? “I’ve trusted your physical abilities for a long time.”

He smirks as he lands on the edge of the guardhouse roof. The roof slopes down from a point at the center, the same glossy marble that everything’s made of shining in the sunlight. The edge of the roof has been scored and scraped, almost like someone wanted to keep it from being slippery when wet.

“Watch your footing,” Cole says softly. “Falling from here would be… unpleasant.”

Cole turns around and lifts his feet as his pixie wings slowly lower him to a seated position on the edge of the roof, his legs hanging over it.

The wind whips around us because of how high up we are, and the thought of hanging my legs over the edge makes my stomach twist. There’s nothing between us and the ground almost a hundred feet down. No, I don’t think I’ll just hang my feet over the ledge. Cole may feel comfortable with that, but he has wings.

I sit cross-legged, but I inch my way closer to him. Something inside me wants the security of being close to Cole. “Why’d you take me here?” I ask.

“Because it’s one of the safest places in the city. No one can get here without being seen, at least not since the House of Shadows was forced into hiding. We could have gone to a few different safe houses, but that’d be forcing you into a cramped space in a city you don’t know with a man you don’t trust.”

He says that last bit with more than a little venom. “More than anything, I like the view.” It’s almost like an afterthought, but the view is something spectacular.

His feet dangle like a child sitting in a chair that’s hundreds of feet too tall for him, but the tone is anything but childish. Where he’d been excited and proud moments ago, it’s like everything’s faded from him, and he’s no different from when we were traveling. Focused, calm, and anything but emotional. If I didn’t know better, I’d expect there to be a fire in front of him to stare at with the way he’s talking.

“I knew that being in Draenyth wouldn’t be fun, Cole. I’m not afraid of being uncomfortable.”

He just nods and continues to kick his feet, ignoring what I said. “The city’s pretty when the sun’s low like this.” I turn to look at the cityscape before us. I… hadn’t known how large Draenyth was. When we’d approached, the walls had looked like they spread out forever, but it’s hard to understand the true breadth of anything when you’re on the ground inside it.

Now I can see everything. This really is the best way to see the city. Following the curve of Skycrest, the city surrounds the mountain. The city is built in a full circle around it. Now I understand. The Great Houses each control a quarter of the city. Like a gradient that changes from the deep reds and oranges close to the Keep of Flames to dark browns and greens in the Keep at the edge of my visibility.

It’s hard to believe that there’s anything as beautiful as Draenyth from this viewpoint. Down on the ground there’s a mix of artistry and dirtiness, but from our bird's-eye view, you can’tsee the slave markets or the anger in some of the Immortals’ eyes. You don’t see the hunger or the distrust. From Cole’s castle on high, there’s nothing about this city that’s anything but wondrous.

“It is,” I agree with him. “But Cole, I saw it from the ground.”

Cole shrugs. “It wasn’t meant to be like what it is now. The dragons and the first High Fae didn’t make Draenyth to be like this. That’s the kings’ fault. That’s what happens when no one can force them to care about anything other than themselves.”

He frowns, but instead of anger, he just feels low. His shoulders slump, and he tries to put on a smile, but it cracks. “Things will get better. I have to believe that. My father and King Gethin from the House of Steel won’t always rule. Eventually, a House of Shadow King or Queen will be found. The House of Earth can’t be wiped out completely. Someone will step in. Eventually.”

The words he’s saying sound hopeful, but there’s so little hope in his eyes. I say nothing. Instead, we watch as the sun slowly falls. Something feels different while we’re sitting quietly above the city I’ve been so terrified of for so long. The two of us have sat next to a fire as the sun fell nearly every night for months now, and it’s never felt quite like this.

He’s just as quiet as normal, but there’s a heavier feel to it all. Like he knows something’s coming, and he doesn’t want it to come. There’s only one thing I can imagine would make him feel like that. His father.

“We could always try to figure out a different plan,” I say softly. “You could just hide me and sneak me in to see Calyr, and then you wouldn’t have to deal with your father’s anger.”

Cole chuckles and shakes his head, that gorgeous black hair flowing softly in the wind around us. “No. Maeve, getting to Calyr is going to be far more difficult than you expect. Only the kings are allowed to visit him now. He’s guarded night and dayby both Houses’ troops. Unless I wanted to go to war with both my father and the House of Steel, we’re going to have to find a good time, and that won’t happen overnight. This is really the only safe answer.”

I do something that I don’t think he expects. I reach out and put my hand on his arm. My fingertips touch his bare skin, and the emotions roll through me. Strength and confidence. None of the despair I’d heard in his voice.

“Wha…”

“I have to control my emotions, Maeve. All of them. No highs. No lows. You need to understand that, too. One day, you’ll need to use those shadows that threaten to leave your fingers constantly. One day, you’ll need to fight with them, and if you don’t have a tight leash on them, you may not have the control or focus to win a battle. That means you die, Maeve. That means other people die. The people you care the most about die. Leash your damn emotions and don’t let them take control.”

He flexes his hand, and a flash of happiness bursts through at the same time that flames flicker to life in his palm. I look from the flames to his eyes and see the despair still lingering there. “You have to be happy even when you’re breaking if you’re going to fight,” I whisper.

He doesn’t respond, but I feel the undercurrent of emotions that rises to the surface when the fire goes out. Fear. The fear he’s felt for so long. Not for himself. No, it’s for Darian and Lee and who knows how many other people.

Only cold, unwavering control is acceptable to the Prince of Flames because anything else means that the ones he calls his weaknesses will die. The ones he cares about more than himself are why he holds that leash over his emotions.

“Come on,” he says as he stands up. “Lorcan and Fiona are probably ready for us. Then you get to meet my father, and we make our betrothal public knowledge.”

That’s all he says. Nothing about what’s going to happen when his father realizes that he’s betrothed to a Wyrdling with no power. Nothing about the pain that he’s going to endure.

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