Page 23 of Music City Diaries

“No, Princess. Just me.”

“But?” She frowned, dropping her head.

Sighing, I leaned forward, taking her hand. “My father is going to take care of Bill. I don’t want your life to be running from one city to the next, always looking over your shoulder. You deserve better. The cost, though, is me returning.”

“Why can’t I go with you, then?”

“You know why, Princess.” I rubbed my thumb over her hand. She shook her head.

“I don’t accept that. I’d rather be on the run with you than without.” Her eyes started to fill to the brim with tears, breaking my heart. Leaning forward more, I cupped her jaw in my hand, wiping the tears.

“I love hearing you say that. It means everything to me. But I can’t forget why I came to the Mavericks, and you need to heal. Having to look over your shoulder every second isn’t a way to do that. Coming home with me will only make you a bigger target, or even a new one.”

“So, that’s it then? You make this decision, and I have to go off and live on my own? What about what I want? What about what I can handle?” Her lip quivered, breaking my heart.

“Princess, this isn’t easy for me! My father’s club is a far cry from the Mavericks. You know how much I hate it there. You don’t remember what he’s like. Going there, I’ll have to change, and I don’t want you to see that.”

“You’re not trusting in us. You’re not giving us the chance we need. If you can see past the darkness that coats me now after the vile things that have been done to me, then I can do the same. This isn’t the answer, Maddox,” she begged, her hands gripping mine.

“It has to be, for now, Darcie. It has to be. I have to make sure.”

“If you do this, then I’ll never forgive you.”

I dropped my head, breathing deeply. When I looked up, tears fell from my own eyes. “That breaks my heart, Princess, but it’s a risk I’m willing to take to make sure you can become the best version of yourself. You don’t need me hanging around, reminding you of what you’ve lost. I trust that we’ll find our way back to each other.”

“I hate you. Please, leave and take your pity donuts with you. I’ll find my own way to wherever I want. I don’t need you.”

She turned, sobbing, and everything in me splintered. I didn’t know if I could do this. Almost as if my father could feel me wavering, my pocket buzzed. Wiping my eyes, I stood and pulled out the phone.

Dad: Your problem has been taken care of. Don’t forget your window. Two days, or I will send the squad after you. Don’t run from me. You don’t want to risk that pretty girl of yours.

Hardening my heart, I pulled the last of the items I’d gotten for her out of the bag and placed them on the dresser. Walking over, I kissed her hair, holding her to me for a second.

“This isn’t over, Princess. I refuse to say goodbye. I just have to make sure. I can’t neglect my responsibilities and I think this is for the best. You’ll see. Don’t ever forget I love you.”

She cried harder, and it took every ounce of strength I had to step away. Walking out the door, the click of it closing was like a bullet to the chest. Something in me had just been irrevocably damaged, and I prayed it could be repaired someday.

Climbing on my bike, I didn’t look back. I couldn’t. If I did, I’d surely turn around, committing us to a life of crime on therun, never safe. She deserved better, and maybe this way, we’d find it.

Pulling up to the battered compound a day later, dust mingled in the air, coating everything in a layer of grime. The Chaos Gargoyle logo was painted on the door, a sign to all to turn back unless you were prepared to enter the chaos.

The door swung open, the light cascading over the dark and dirty floor, hiding all that hid there beyond. It shut behind me, and a hand clamped down on me as I tried to blink, adjusting my eyes to the darkness.

“Welcome home, Son.”

Diary #7

Dear Mom,

Men suck.

I wish I could like girls. It feels like it would be easier. A woman would never abandon me like this.

Part of me knows that he didn’t, that he did what he thought was best, but it’s small. So very small.

I know why he feels he needs to return home. But the bigger part of me doesn’t care. Does that make me a selfish bitch? I needed him. He promised to be there for me, and now he’s gone, and I have to figure out how to manage on my own.

I won’t lie, the first few days, I stayed lying in that bed, staring at the wall. I guess Maddox had anticipated this, paying for the room for a few days. But when the money ran out, they came knocking, and I realized how pathetic I was.

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