Page 29 of Music City Diaries

While that’s part of why I’m doing this, I think it’s also the way forward for me. Not only because I’ll actually be able to keep living, but I think I’ll be able to get something back that was taken from me. That’s my hope anyway.

My only hesitation is Maddox. I don’t know what to say to him or how to tell him this. We’re not anything to each other, but that also feels like a lie. We were just getting started when everything stopped, and now I don’t know when I’ll see him again.

Do I wait?

Is he?

Should we talk about that? Probably.

Will we? No. It’s not part of the agreement.

So why do I feel like I’m lying to him? I don’t know how he’d take it.

I think if he was okay with it, it would break my heart. At the same time, if he’s all jealous and demanding, it would break my spirit. I’m doing this for myself, so maybe I just need to keep it to myself. For now, that’s what I have to do anyway.

Tonight is my first live. Let’s hope I don’t vomit, pass out, or freak out.

Love and miss you, Mom,

Darcie

Nine

DARCIE

Twisting in the mirror,I checked out my outfit one last time. It was a corset top with thigh highs. I was covered more than my previous bikini, but this felt more provocative. I pulled my hair up, getting it out of the way, and applied some lipstick. I kissed the air in the mirror, pursing my lips, trying to channel my alter ego.

“It’s now or never, Rose.”

I checked my computer, making sure it was ready to record. I’d need to get some better equipment, but for now, it was all I had. So far, I’d uploaded ten videos of myself doing random things around the house or talking about nonsense. They’d gotten decent hits, and I’d made a hundred dollars so far. It had taken me a week to get them done, and the rent was due, so I was sucking it up and doing a live video.

Candi had told me it was how you built your fan base, by interacting with people. I hoped it was true because I needed this to take off more if I was going to survive. The money I made was nice, but it wouldn’t keep me from being on the streets.

Positioning the laptop so I didn’t show my face, I got on the bed and tried to look sexy. Taking a deep breath, I leanedforward and hit the live button. There was a delay, so I scooted back and made sure I was clear of the camera for the millionth time. I was lying on my stomach, my feet in the air behind me. With the angle, it was a great cleavage shot.

At first, I was just sitting, staring when no one joined, unsure if I should talk or just wait. After a few minutes, it began to show me people were viewing. Swallowing, I waved and tried not to fidget.

“Hi, y’all. I’m Rose.” I cleared my throat. “Thanks for tuning in. This is my first live, and I’ll be honest, I’m kind of nervous.”

Some messages popped up, and I looked down to read them.

“Hi, @livingfast and @ogbobbuilder. Thanks for joining me. Do you guys have any questions?”

They typed some more, and I found it easier with direct things to concentrate on.

“What’s my favorite color? Hmm, good question. I think I like rose gold.” I smiled, even though they couldn’t see it. Candi had mentioned people could hear it in your voice, and I wanted to come across as friendly. A few more questions began to filter through, and I found it easier to talk to the screen like we were having a conversation.

Instinctively, I found myself playing with my necklace, drawing their attention to my boobs more. When tips and likes were given, I realized that the more I gave them, then the more they’d give me. An idea popped into my head, and I wanted to see if it would work.

“So, guys, my time’s almost up tonight, but maybe you could help me since I’m still new. I’m going to put a poll up, and whichever option gets the most tips, then that’s what I’ll do. The options are should I play the guitar, make dinner, or paint my toenails? You have one minute.”

I typed it into the chat and sat back, watching as people started placing their votes. I smiled, adrenaline coursingthrough me. At the end of the timer, I was surprised that the winning option was to play the guitar.

“Okay, thank you, @trentbulldog, for that last generous tip that put guitar over the top.” I blew a kiss to the camera. “Well, that’s all tonight, but I’ll be back later and play the guitar for y’all. Ciao!”

I kissed the air, waving. It had been risky to show part of my face, but it had felt worth the risk when tips had come in more for it. Signing off, I looked down at the total, and my eyes bugged out.

“Holy shit. Candi is a freaking genius!”

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