Page 41 of Footlights and Forever

I saw him. Even now when part of me was angry at him for not trusting me, I saw his beauty and his kindness. I missed him.

“Austin honey,” my mom knocked lightly on my door, “you have a visitor.”

It couldn’t be, could it? I shoved off my bed and threw my door open, hoping against hope he was standing on the other side.

My face fell.

“I hope all people don’t have that sad look on their faces when they lay eyes on me.” Standing just off to the side of my mom was Garrett fucking Marks. I never told my parents what had happened between myself, Garrett and Dylan. Our parents were quite close to Garrett’s, and Dylan had convinced me to keep my mouth shut as my parents had not done anything wrong, and he didn’t want to run the risk of inserting any type of wedge between our families.

“You boys behave up here,” she smiled, reaching across to squeeze Garrett’s shoulder, “I can’t believe you boys are all grown up and out of the house.”

“I can assure you that I’m still the idiot I was when I was younger.” Garrett winked at her before his face broke out into a wide smile.

“Ain’t that the truth,” I muttered under my breath. Garrett, obviously hearing me, cast his gaze quickly to the floor.

“Anyway, I will give you boys some space. Shout me if you want me to bring any snacks up Austin.” I briefly nodded as she went back downstairs.

Not wanting to drag this out any longer that I needed to, I began. “What are you doing here, Garrett?” I turned and walked into my room, leaving my door open behind me. The door clicked closed as he followed me inside.

“Is that any way to treat your oldest friend?” Garrett’s fingers skimmed the edge of my desk before he turned around to rest against it.

“We aren’t friends.” I sank down to the bed, pulling up a Rocky and Bullwinkle stuffed toy from the ottoman at the end of my bed and squeezing it against me.

“You still have that thing?” Of course, Auston knew every inch of my room and pretty much every item in it. We had spent countless hours gaming, wrestling and talking about football or basically any sport that was on ESPN at whatever time of day.

“Garrett…” I had no interest in being dragged into a conversation. I needed him to state his business and get the fuck out of my room.

“My parents told me that you were back, and I thought that you might be here with Dylan.” He almost winced as he said Dylan’s name.

I didn’t like hearing Dylan’s name coming out of his mouth. “What, so you thought you would just come into my house, into my room and pick a fight with my boyfriend?”

“What? No!” He pushed off the desk and came to sit next to me on the bed. I wasn’t that petty that I would take a swing for him or move away when he sat next to me. “I hoped he would be here so I could apologize to him.”

“Apologize? You?” I barked out a laugh. “Dude, you clocked me in the eye with your elbow when we were playing beach volleyball, and said it was my fault as my shades, which you’d stolen from my bag, didn’t protect for shit and the sun got in your eyes. You don’t apologize.”

I caught the sad expression on his face as he shook his head slowly. “You’re right, I don’t. I need to apologize to him though.”

An uneasy thought crossed my brain for a moment. “Garrett, are you okay? That’s kind ofgetting my affairs in orderkinda talk.”

“I’m not dying, you goon!” He punched me lightly in the arm. “I’m just finding it hard in college to move forward, when I have the awful thing in my past that I can’t make right.”

“I honestly don’t think Dylan spends an awful lot of time thinking about you to be honest man.” I shrugged. “I mean, I think you were a fucking monster, actually scratch that, we were all fucking monsters to Dylan, but you more than most. And yes, you do need to apologize, but don’t think that he spends all his time thinking about you, because he doesn’t.”

“You know me Austin.” His eyes still didn’t leave the ground. “I’m a selfish prick. This is all about me. This is about giving myself the opportunity to free myself of all this guilt.”

“Why?”

“Because I can’t let myself fully love my boyfriend and give him all of me if I’m holding back from him.”

Well fuck me. I pushed to my feet and put some distance between the two of us. I oscillated rapidly between sorrow, pity, anger and confusion. I very quickly settled on anger.

“Boyfriend?” I exclaimed loudly. “Boyfriend? Are you shitting me?”

“I know!” He rested his face in his hands. “I am a complete shit, I know.”

“Shit is too kind of a word for you,” I gestured around myself aimlessly, “you’re the stale old smell that lingers on old shit.”

“Poetic?” He looked up as a smile broke on his face.

---