Page 39 of Footlights and Forever

“Dylan, I don’t know if I haven’t made myself clear here, but this is it for me.” I’d kissed the tip of his nose. “You’re it for me.”

“It’s okay,” he’d smiled, his hands coming to rest against my waist. “Let’s not talk about it, I’m just being stupid. Kiss me.”

The smile hadn’t quite reached his eyes. “No.”

“Okay, well I didn’t think you would be turning down my advances so soon.” He’d frowned playfully.

“Dylan, I mean no, I’m not going to forget it.” He’d tried to wriggle out from under me, but I’d held him in place between my thighs. “Baby, is that what you think I’m going to do for real?”

He’d huffed a moment before meeting my gaze. “I don’t think you’re going to be able to help it.” It had broken my heart to think that he’d truly believed I was just going to ditch him somewhere along the way. In such a short amount of time, he had become one of, if not the most, important person in my life and someone I just couldn’t and didn’t want to live without. I’d just needed to find some way to convince him that he wasn’t just mine, but I was also his.

“I think there is going to come a time that I’m not going to be enough for you.” I’d seen nothing but honesty in his eyes.

“Well, I’m just going to have to spend the rest of my life proving you wrong then, aren’t I.” His smile had shined through the clouds on his face. He’d huffed out a small laugh before shrugging. “I’m not going to hurt you. Hurting you only hurts me and I’m a selfish bastard.”

I stared up at his window with the realization dawning that we’d both been right. I had ended up hurting him, and this pain in my chest made me want to die.

A little over an hour later, I collapsed onto my bed. The cold sheets were rough against my skin. The keys, phone and wallet in my pocket dug into my thigh. Groaning, I turned onto my side and pulled them all free and lay them on the top of my bedside table. I stared at my phone, willing myself not to call his number and beg for some kind of forgiveness or understanding. He obviously did not want to speak to me right then, and I just had to respect that. I clicked off the light and prayed that sleep took me quickly.

I woke a little after seven am and automatically reached for my phone. There were about a dozen messages on my phone but none from the one number that I wanted to see.

Kevin: Hey hope you’re okay. I want to say I’m sorry I made a move, but I don’t want to lie. I like you, and I think we could be good together. Call me if you want. X

Bile burned in my throat as last night’s shit show came roaring back to the front of my mind. I immediately deleted the message and worked through the rest of my messages. One of them was a rather lengthy text from Natalie detailing all the ways in which I was very much like a piece of shit or hot garbage. The girl could get quite beautifully descriptive when she wanted to be. While it did hurt to see a message so scathing from someone I’d thoughtquite liked me, I was glad that Dylan had such strong support from his loyal friends.

I pulled up Dylan’s name and began.

Me: Hey, we need to talk.

I put my phone back on the bedside table and escaped to the bathroom. I stared at myself in the mirror. The man looking back from me didn’t look any different, however, the feeling I got when he stared back at me was nothing like how it felt every other day of my life. In my mind, now that I had a chance to think about last night’s events in the light of day, I knew I hadn’t really done anything wrong. Yes, I had put myself into a situation where Kevin had thought it was okay to make a move, but I hadn’t asked for it and I certainly hadn’t stayed in the moment. Kevin was not what I wanted or who I needed. In my heart, however, I knew I was the reason that Dylan was hurting, and I didn’t know how to deal with that.

Dylan needed to hear me out, to understand that to me it had just been harmless flirting. To me it had been nothing, and the fact that Kevin had taken it further was not my doing. I needed him to know that the pain he was feeling, While real, was unwarranted, that I was still his and he was still mine.

I scrubbed my teeth and resolved to make sure that whatever happened, Dylan knew how special and unique he was to me and that nothing and no one was going to come between us. I returned to my bedroom and snatched up my phone. A message flashed across my screen.

Dylan: I don’t know what there is to talk about Austin.

Me: What do you mean? We need to talk about us.

Dylan: You didn’t seem to give a shit about ‘us’ with Kevin’s tongue down the back of your throat last night.

I groaned and scrubbed the back of my hand across my eyes.

Me: Dylan babe, I know you think you know what you saw. But I can promise you that it wasn’t. Please just let me explain and I can show you that I didn’t do anything wrong.

My phone vibrated in my hand, Dylan’s number flashing on the screen. I swiped to answer and barely had a chance to get the phone to my ear before he began.

“Didn’t do anything wrong! Are you fucking serious?” His voice seethed on the other end of the line.

“Dylan, if you would just…”

“I mean, forgetting the fact that your asshole buddy refused to let me into the party…” Dylan bit out.

Woah, what?“Who wouldn’t let you into the party?” I interrupted.

“Like you don’t know.” He barked out a laugh, the meanness in his voice alien and unnerving.

“I’m serious Dylan, who wouldn’t let you in?” I pressed.

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