Page 29 of Footlights and Forever

His forehead creased. “What do you mean?”

“You know,” I gestured between the two of us, “that I know how lucky I am that you chose to be with me. I know that in nearly every other world you don’t fall for someone like me. You fall for a Kyle, or a Chad or Todd.”

“That’s not their names,” he chuckled.

“Anyway, I just want you to know that I know.” I punched him gently in the chest with the bottom of my fist.

The line began to move forward. I attempted to join the line, but Austin seemed rooted to the ground. I turned to find him stock still on the sidewalk, looking at me, with an almost hurt expression on his face. “Austin?”

“Is that what you think?” he whispered.

“Well yeah.” I chewed the inside of my cheek. “Look at you.”

“Baby please tell me this is some sort of joke?”

“Austin,” I sighed but paired it with a smile, “I’m not looking for some affirmation here. I just worry that other people see you with me and it doesn’t make sense. I know people stare and I want you not to worry. I want you to know that it’s okay.” I tried to pull him along with the queue to no avail. “Austin, we should…”

“No!” he suddenly roared, dropping to his knees right there on the sidewalk outside the theatre. People around us started to stare at the unfolding drama. “Dylan baby, I need you to hear me, now more than ever, okay?”

“Okay.”

“I know you’re wicked smart and everything, but you have to know something.” He started, “you’re an idiot.”

“Huh?”

“Dylan, you’re standing here worried that you’re not good enough for me, when baby I’m the one that’s not good enough for you. Do you know how much I love you? Do you know how much I love how clever you are? How funny you are? How you can make me laugh with just a look or a roll of the eyes at something someone has said? I love how you take care of me. I love how when I’m sick you will always still want to curl up next to me, even if it makes you sick as well.” He stood, towering over me and grabbing my trembling hands, placing them over his racing heart. “I love how you love your dad and even your sister, though I know you sometimes plot her demise for fun.”

“Only when she has been extra annoying,” I protested.

“Baby, I love how even when you sleep and I have you in my arms, your smile gets wider and wider when I hold you close. I love how when you wake up it looks like a raccoon has nested in your hair. I love how you believe in me, every second of every day, even when I don’t believe in myself. I love how unbearably sexy you are, it’s a struggle keeping my hands to myself sometimes, and finally the thing I love the most about you is how much you love me.”

“Austin…”

“Tell me you believe me,” he begs. “Tell me you know how much I love you.”

“I do, love.” I reached for his waist and pulled him into a hug. “I do.”

Later that night after we returned home he showed me exactly how much he loved me, three times.

***

“Okay so next week we are going to be looking at theatre traditions around the world. Please read both Meineck,The Neuroscience of the Tragic Mask and Csapo, Riding the Phallus. Please do not bother coming to class if you haven’t done the assigned reading.” Professor Cook was what one might call a prize bitch, but a damned good teacher.

“How can she assign more reading,” Natalie grumbled, “I’m fairly sure that she has had us read all the words that have ever been written.”

“Certain feels that way,” I said while shoving my laptop into my backpack.

“Hey, listen,” Natalie patted me on the shoulder, “I need you to come with me to a party tomorrow night.”

“Natalie!” I groaned.

“Don’t ‘Natalie’ me.” She pinched the skin where she’d patted. “You need to take a real break and enjoy college. Parties are one of the core traditions of a truly well-rounded college experience. What are you going to tell your kids in the future, Daddy spent his time chained to his desk and blowing Other Daddy.”

“I think they take kids away from you if you tell them that.”

“You know what I mean.” Her face soured. “I don’t want you to wake up one day and realized you missed going to college. I mean the important bits anyways.”

I had to give her her dues, Natalie had barely pestered me to go to any college parties over the last month. I had almost completely withdrawn from all social life and had immersed myself in books. She had made an excellent point when sheasked me how was I supposed to grow to write about people’s lives if I never really experienced it for myself.

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