Page 64 of Collided

“The same reason why you are here.”

Lifting my arm, I punch him across the face and his face whips to the other side.

My veins are close to bursting as adrenaline mixed with rage flows through my blood.

“I told you to stay away from here.” I kick him in the stomach.

Denrick falls to the ground and doubles over in pain. A groan leaves his mouth as he clutches his stomach and rolls to one side.

“Stop it,” he wheezes out, eyes glistening with tears.

My eyes fall on the scar I gave him. When I found out about him, I slammed his head into the wall to kill him, but the fucker survived. He was Emery’s secret boyfriend, and she’d told no one about him—not even me which annoyed me. Later, I asked why she didn’t, and she told me I’d be mad at her. It was a valid reason. I wanted to protect her from everything and everyone. Denrick was the first person who noticed the signs of my sister’s failing health, but he didn’t do anything about it. Because of him, it was too late.

You were as ignorant as him.

Fuck. I was.

I should’ve paid more attention to Emery. I should’ve noticed how her health was worsening when I thought she was just exhausted from school. It was fucking naive of me.

One mistake led me to this moment.

“I should fucking kill you for what you did.” I grit in anger as my body vibrates with the desire to just do it. But I don’t. Because I’m also to blame.

After the cemetery, I spend the rest of the day at my secret spot. My mind is a tangled web of thoughts and memories. I like visiting her grave, it brings me closer to her because she’s physically there, but it always takes a toll on me.

I go to this dark place that makes me want to die.

Sadness weighs so heavily over my chest that it hurts to breathe. Panic attacks also happen, and I wish for one of them to end me, but I survive every time.

I think about Sebastian and Marie. The two people in my life who’d be devastated if something happened to me. In moments of pure chaos, where my mind overtakes my body, their faces peek through my paranoia and stop me from attempting something.

It hurts.

It hurts a fucking lot.

I want the pain to stop. I want to feel better. I want to breathe.

But the reminder that my sister, my best friend, my favorite person, isn’t in the world anymore keeps coming back.

I drive to school after smoking a bunch of cigarettes. My car reeks of the pungent smell, but at least I’m not feeling chaotic anymore. My mind is quiet and calm.

I’m waiting for Hope outside the school when my phone pings.

Sebastian: You missed school again.

Sebastian: Is everything okay?

My best friend worries too much. Especially after he’s come out of rehab and therapy. He thinks he can help me, but he can’t. There’s nothing wrong with me. I’m fucking fine.

Heath: Everything’s fine.

A knock on the window pulls my attention. Sebastian is standing next to my car holding his phone with my text on screen.

I unlock the door, and he quickly gets in.

“Where were you?” he asks in a tone laced with worry.

“No greeting for me?” I tease him to move over this question.

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