Page 223 of Collided

“My parents urged me to focus on my studies.” Another layer of me slips away. It feels strangely good to tell him about my life, but at the same time also scary.

“Did you watch cartoons growing up?”

I nod eagerly. “All the time. My dad would be at work and Mom would do house chores. It made it easier for her if I was occupied.”

A sad smile touches his lips, and he stares at the sky. “Emery and I fought over shows every single time. In the end, I’d always let her choose because she was one whiny kid.”

“Or you were a good big brother.”

“I tried to be.”

“I’m sure you were. You’re so caring and attentive. That’s what a sibling needs.”

“Apparently, not enough. That’s why she isn’t here today.”

“That’s not—”

He straightens. “Your parents, tell me about them.”

I welcome the change of topic but also dread it. I don’t want him to know too much. He’ll be quick to join the dots together and see the bigger picture that I’ve been hiding from him all along. He’ll know it’s my dad who abuses me.

I look away to escape his scrutinizing gaze. I stare at the dusk sky, the way it stretches to miles till your eyes can’t keep up.

“I was very close to my mother growing up. We went to the park every day where she’d swing me and make sandcastles with me. She’d also let me help her in the kitchen and we made cookies every Sunday. But once I got into school we started to drift away. She got strict, mean, and controlling. Perhaps she was always like that, and I didn’t realize it until recently. The closer we were, the further we are now. It’s not the same. Nothing ever is, I suppose.

“Then my father left because…” I pause. “And she got more distant. She missed him and wanted him back. She also started drinking which I don’t think helped her to cope with the pain. If anything, it made her more sorrowful. I tried to be there for her, but she wanted him, not me. She pushed me away and I…” My throat grows thick. “Then she started working. I don’t see her very often.”

I look at him. “There’s little room for bonding when no time is spent together.”

Heath takes in everything that I said.

Before he can ask about my other parent I turn the question on him. “What are your parents like? You never talk about them.”

Heath leans his head back against the tree. His jaw ticks with tension and his body goes rigid beside me. “What’s there to talk about? They were never there for us.”

“You have no memories with them?”

In the past two months, he hasn’t mentioned his parents much. All I know is it’s a sore topic for him.

I know they don’t live with him. Perhaps they live in the city. But that doesn’t explain why they don’t ever visit him. All those times I’ve been to his house I haven’t seen them once. There aren’t any pictures around the mansion. It’s like they don’t exist.

“None I can recall.” His voice is bitter.

Silence extends between us and tension turns the air thick.

Heath takes out a cigarette and lights it up. Taking a long drag, he puffs it out in a smoke cloud away from my face.

Biological facts loop my mind in warnings. The chemicals in cigarettes ruin the human body, especially the lungs. Those gruesome images of the side effects flash across my eyes. I can’t stomach the thought of the same happening to him.

“You shouldn’t do it. It’s so dangerous for your health.”

Heath exhales the smoke.

I watch him continue doing it and before I know he’s halfway done with it.

The smell is thick around us.

“Why do you smoke?” I ask to understand him better.

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