Page 210 of Collided

It has no effect on him. If anything, he looks more infuriated.

“What if—” he bites his lip and closes his eyes.

What if you aren’t?He’s thinking about Emery. The sibling that he loved and cherished, then lost.

For once it’s me who cups his cheek. His eyes shoot open and gaze at me with a magnitude of sorrow and grief—it almost buries me.

“I will be fine. I promise you,” I assure him with a bright smile.

His eyes drop to my lips then return back to my eyes. He scowls. “That’s what I’m fucking afraid of. You beingfine.”

“Don’t worry about me,” I tell him.

He narrows his eyes on me. “I willalwaysworry about you. It’s not something I can just fucking stop. I don’t think there’s a stop button in my system.”

I nod slowly.

His tone softens as he says, “I care about you a lot, more than the fucking limit.”

“I care about you, too.”

He gulps hard as if it physically hurts him. “If anything happens, call me. I will take you away from that house. I will come for you, no matter the time or day. I will come for you. You just fucking call me and I’ll be there. You understand?”

Tears well up in my eyes.You just fucking call me and I’ll be there.

Those words move my heart with an indescribable emotion. “You will come for me.”

“Always.”

Heath drives slowly as if prolonging the little time so I can’t get home. I’m sure he’s thinking about everything that I said to him. I gave him all the clues except for one.

I should feel better now that Heath knows a little, but all I seem to experience is anxiety.

I’m worried for him.

I can only wish he doesn’t look into things deeply. If he does, I know it’s a matter of time before he unravels the rest of it. I’m unprepared for that moment. I don’t know what I’ll say or do. What I do know is that everything we’ve built will splinter into pieces and my heart will be one of them.

42

Hope

There is no family dinner because Dad isn’t home. Mom tricked me.

We sit in the kitchen, eating the meal she made for the three of us but there’s only the two of us.

“I don't know why he isn’t home. He promised me he would be.”

I stay quiet, thanking my luck. I want to stay as far away as I can from him.

“Why do you think he isn’t home?” She directs the question at me as if I know where he is. What she doesn’t know is we don't talk at all. Ever since he’s moved back in we haven’t had a conversation that didn’t end with him hitting me.

“I don’t know.” I shrug and devour the food. It’s delicious and I’m hungry—after I puked my guts out hours ago.

To avoid him, I’ve been skipping meals. All I eat are the remainder of my snacks—which aren’t a lot. I had a pack of chips from months ago that I ate for a week. It finished a few nights ago. Now I have nothing in my room. When I took a shower this morning, I saw how much weight I’d lost. I’m all bones now. Skinnier and more tired than I’ve ever been in life. When I scrub myself, I can count my ribs and feel my hip bones. There’s not much meat on me.

I’m deteriorating, and the worst part is that Mom can’t see it. She’s fixated on him.

All the money I’ve earned from my little business, I’ve been saving it. I don’t spend a single penny because I want to buy myself books or a nice phone. Who am I kidding? It’ll be books.

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