Page 194 of Collided

Heath bunches up the material of my dress to bring me closer to him.

Wait. What are my hands doing?

I realize they are limp against my sides.

I’m such an idiot.

Lifting them, I place them over his chest where I can feel his racing heart.

I smile into the kiss, realizing I’m not the only one feeling this way.

Heath tugs on my lower lip before backing up.

I open my eyes and find him already looking at me.

“We kissed.”

“We fucking did.”

A smile hangs on my lips. He leans down and pecks me which isn’t what I wanted.

I want more from him.

My heart is racing too fast, and my head is spinning with thoughts.

We kissed. Twice. Thrice if you count that little, short kiss, too.

Happiness sinks in, just as a wrecking ball hits me with a memory.

Whoever it is, stay away from him, or else you won’t like the consequences.

My smile drops.

An abyss of sadness grows in the pit of my stomach, swallowing every bit of emotion I was feeling a second ago.

“I…” I step back from him like he’s fire and I’ll burn. Only it’s the other way around. He’ll get burned if he gets closer to me. He’ll get hurt because of me.

Heath frowns and reaches for me, but I flinch.

“Hope, what’s wrong?”

“Everything,” I whisper.

He frowns harder. “What do you mean?”

Shaking my head I start to back away from him. “I need to go.”

“Wait. Talk to me!”

I run inside, lock the door, and lean my back against it. I place my hand on my stomach and try to contain the ball of anxiety that is a second away from rolling down and taking me with it.

Sometimes, we don’t get what we want, no matter how much we want it. It’s painful how much life is different from the fictional world.

I go to my room and curl up on my bed in a ball.

My body shakes with tremors as Dad’s warning loops my brain on repeat.

That’s how much he’s ruined me. I’ve had my first kiss with the guy I like, and I can’t even relish in the joy of it because he’ll find him and hurt him.

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