She hesitantly nods her head.
I feel awful. “It was better than any other day I’ve had.”
“You disagreed earlier.”
I almost smile at her attempt to set me straight.
Leaning over the console, I whisper, “I was being an idiot.”
“A big one.”
“Oh yeah?”
She nods.
“I’m sorry,” I say sincerely. When she doesn’t say anything I feel even worse.
Running a hand through my hair I blurt out. “I’m really fucking sorry for the words I said to you and the way I acted toward you. It was a dick move and I feel terrible. I hurt a lot of people, and I don’t care about half of them, butyouare not one of them. You’ll never be. I never want to fucking hurt you. Like ever.” Taking a deep breath I continue, “All the things I said today, I didn’t mean them when I didn’t even try to have fun with you. You planned a day for me, and I turned it into shit. For that, I’m sorry, so fucking sorry.”
Three heartbeats later she wraps her arms around my neck. I place my palm over her back and keep it there.
“I’ll make it up to you.”
“You don’t have to.”
“I will.”
That night she leaves without saying goodbye.
33
Hope
I’m bleeding.
I stare at the red liquid on my fingers.
Standing up with the help of my bed, I weakly stumble into the bathroom.
My vision blurs and black dots appear in front of my eyes. I barely make it inside on my two very imbalanced feet.
Turning on the light, I take in my disheveled state.
My hair is wild, and my eyes are puffy and red with the tears I shed in the past five minutes. But nothing is as horrific as the handprint on the left side of my face, and the gnash on the side of my head from hitting the edge of the bed.
Everything inside of me hurts. My skin, my bones, my heart, my soul, even the blood in my veins is searing hot like lava.
The door opens downstairs and a few minutes later the unmistakable sounds of pleasure phase through the walls. I gag and try to hold back the storm of sickness brewing in my stomach.
I can’t believe Mom can let him touch her. He was drunk when he attacked me.
I enter the room with my heart beating out of my chest. I press my hand against my skin to keep it in. I truly believe Heath was going to kiss me. The way his blue eyes darkened as they stared at my lips, and his breathing turned ragged. Erasing those couple of centimeters between us, he could have been my first kiss.
The thought gives me butterflies as I step on the porch with an excited smile.
I feel something for him. Somewhere deep inside my heart, under layers of fears and doubts, there is something that blooms whenever he’s near me. His proximity makes me feel safe.
And gosh, the way he looks at me. I feel his stare in my bones. Like he can see right through me—which is scary when I’m hiding secrets from him. Even knowing that he doesn’t look any different at me.