Page 139 of Collided

Marie squeals, but then takes a deep breath and composes herself. I half-believe she’s trying to imitate her therapist right now and running a feelings-diagnosis on me.

“Butterflies. Love them.” She grimaces. “Lovedthem.”

Clearing her throat she meets my gaze. “This question is important. Think carefully. Do you want to spend all your time with him?”

“I… I don’t know.”

“Hah! Your feelings are new then. Get back to me when you figure that out. We’ll discuss it in our next appointment.”

I stifle a laugh. “Okay.”

By the end, we’re both laughing, and it feels good. Really good.

Soon afterward we delve into studying. I give her my Chemistry notes and also explain them to her in great detail. We do many questions and exercises until I’m satisfied she’s got the concepts right and deep into her memory.

Time flies by so fast. Before I know it’s seven-thirty and I race to leave her room. She offers to drive me, but I decide to walk home.

Just like that, the loneliness I didn’t feel with her creeps back inside of me.

I’m reminded of how empty it makes me feel.

29

Hope

It’s Friday night, almost a week after I went to Marie’s house. It’s evening and I’m writing an English paper when my phone pings.

Heath: Come outside.

Hope: Why?

Heath: No time to ask fucking questions.

Hope: What does that mean?

Heath: It means I’m fucking waiting to take you somewhere.

Hope: What?

Heath: I don’t have the answer to that.

Hope: Are you really outside my house?

Heath: No, I sent my fucking copy.

Hope: Where’s your original body?

Heath: In your room.

I search my room like a dumb person, even though I know Heath isn’t there.

I’ve lost my mind. I mean if he were here, I’d know. My body reacts when he’s close to me.

Hope: I checked.Your original copy isn’t here.

Heath: Did you look under your bed?

Hope: Wait a sex.

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