Page 109 of Collided

That’s one way to put how that pretty book nerd makes me feel.

With a sigh, I lie back on the concrete and close my eyes.

My head spins with these new feelings that float me in and out of reality.

Is this how feelings work? You’re trapped in a haze of thoughts about this other person and think about them all the fucking time.

Wait a fucking second? Did I just sayfeelings? I don’t have feelings for Hope. Nope. Nada. None fucking at all.

Sebastian shoves me hard, and I almost hit my face against the cement floor.

Anger flares me up and I turn to him with a glare. “What the actual fuck?”

“You were zoning out again. What is wrong with you today?” He runs his eyes all over me in worry.

“Nothing’s wrong with me. I’m fine,” I mutter.

Pot meet kettle.No wonder it gets on my nerves when Hope says the exact same fucking words.

He scoffs, not buying my bullshit. “Yeah, right. It’s every day you’re lost in your thoughts and stare at the sky. You don’t evenlikethe sky.”

I don’t. It reminds me of how Emery is up there and looking down at me ruining my life.

No thanks. I don’t need the fucking reminder.

I steer my gaze toward the hills. I’m always so calm when I’m up there. Nature manages to quiet the utter chaos in my head.

“What are feelings?” I ask and avoid looking at him. One glimpse at me and he’ll know what’s going on with me.

Sebastian has a rare talent for calling me out on my bullshit.

“Feelings? Are we talking about someone whose name starts with H and ends with E?” he teases.

Never mind I shouldn’t have fucking asked.

“I can ask someone else if you can’t answer the fucking question.” There’s no way I’m asking someone else.

Sebastian smirks knowing damn well I won’t. “I’d like to see you try.”

I groan. “Bash. Just fucking tell me, would you?”

With a chuckle, he agrees. “Fine. I’ll answer.”

He crosses his legs and his face gains a seriousness that I don’t see often.

“Everyone will say something different, but I’ll say what I’ve experienced. Feelings are emotions you’veneverexperienced before. They hit you like a train. You can’t stop thinking about this person. In every thought, conscious or unconscious, they sneak up on you, and no matter what you do, they don’t go away. Feelings are like water. They fill in the nooks and corners that have been empty, and at the same time are enough to drown your heart. You have this overwhelming surge of desire to be with that person all the time, and risk anything to make them happy. Feelings make you do stupid stuff, nothing wise ever. You become selfish and protective. But at the same time, you are willing to let them go if someone else makes them happy.” He ends with a knowing smirk directed right at me. “You can't get rid of feelings.”

For fuck’s sake.

“What if I direct themtowardsomeone else?”

Sebastian sighs. “Did younothear a word I said?”

“You made it sound like I have a terminal disease.”

“Well, that’s one way to put it.”

I swivel my head to the sky instead of avoiding it like I have for the past year.

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