Page 185 of Collided

Sitting in my car, I hear my rapid heartbeats echoing in my ears.

She makes my fucking heart race.

Fuck.

I want her. I want her so badly.

37

Hope

My parents decide to go away for the weekend.

I don’t know how Dad managed to save money when he has no job, and he spends every cent of Mom’s money on alcohol. The thing that surprises me the most, is how Mom can’t see any of this. The empty bottles and the change in his behavior. The telltales are right there. Somehow, she makes me believe it's all in my head and I’m delusional.

Somehow, I still believe, the worst is yet to come. This isn’t it.

Friday arrives, and I’m so glad that it’s the last school day and a weekend awaits me. At school, Heath ignores me in all our classes together and glares at me whenever our eyes meet. He’s mad about the date thing, which I don’t understand. He’s the one who said we should be friends and has never made me feel otherwise. While I’ve been feeling anything butfriendlytoward him lately.

When he simply looks at me, my heart jumps in excitement, literally skyrockets to the sky. When he talks to me—in that soft voice—I feel butterflies fluttering around in my stomach like a field of flowers has grown in there. When he touches me, I forget to breathe.

There are so many other things, too.

His eyes are always gentle when they look at me, like I’m the most delicate thing in the world and he’ll never think about breaking me. His big arms wrapped around me make me feel safe. So easily, he manages to vanish every dark thought out of my overthinking brain when he presses me against him and calms me down when I’m having panic attacks.

I like him. I like him so much.

Everything he does makes me feel exactly how it is in books. He makes me believe in all that I’ve read about.

All my life I’ve thought what happens in books can’t happen in real life. Love is easy in a fictional world but not in reality.

Heath makes me believe in love, that perhaps it can happen to me, too.

However, it’s too late now. I have a date with Elliot, who seems too nice to be stood up. He told me I’m the first girl he’s ever asked out. I can’t do this to him. I know I’d hate it if some guy did it to me.

When I come back from school, my parents leave, informing me that they'll be back the next day.

I hate this new arrangement. I’ve made my feelings clear on the matter, but Mom doesn’t believe me and Dad, well, he’ll be staying here for a long time. With how much he’s making an effort to swoon Mom off her feet there’s no doubt he’s staying.

The only silver lining is by next year I’d be out of here. Until then, there’s no place of refuge for me.

Around five p.m. the doorbell rings.

Marie is standing on the porch, holding many shopping bags. “You have a date and I’m here to help you.”

I lean against the door. “That’s nice of you, but you didn’t have to.”

I’m so glad she’s here when my parents aren’t home. I’d resent myself if Dad pulled an act in front of her or hurt her in any way. I already know I won’t think twice about throwing myself in front of her to protect her.

“C’mon, let’s go to your room. These bags are quite heavy.”

I notice the five bags she’s carrying—all designer brands—and she looks like a model herself. She’s so beautiful it amazes me sometimes, that she considersmeher best friend.

I let her inside. I think about how my house is nothing compared to the mansion she lives in. Her home is beautiful and safe, unlike mine.

Inhaling a deep breath, I show her my room and she carefully looks around before turning to me with a beaming smile. “I can’t believe I’m seeing your room. Heath must be so jealous.”

I blush. “Um… he’s seen it before.”

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