Page 127 of Collided

It indeed is a beautiful name, or perhaps I’m being biased, but I don’t fucking care.

“It is.” It’ll always be.

My throat closes on me. I know it’s time to end this topic. It’s only been a year but it’s fucking hard to move on in life without her by my side.

When I’m six feet above ground, she's six feet under. The distance is small, but enough to keep our worlds separated with no mode of communication. Nothing.

The only thing I believe in is that she's not in pain anymore and is in a better place where no cancer or any form of disease can ever get to her. Even if it comes at the cost of me not seeing her ever again.

She’s at peace.

It sounds stupid in my head, so I never share it with anyone. Those idiotic reasons are the only ounce of assurance I have.

I feel a hand rest over mine. Heat sears me like a bullet cuts through the air. A trail of tingles erupts under my skin and burns my arm in a way I’ve never been burned before. It’s a good kind of burn. The kind where I want to keep burning.

“You look sad.” Hope drops the blanket and gets closer to me.

“I’m fine,” I grumble, feeling vulnerable like she’s cut me open and can see everything that I hide from the world—all my fucking emotions on display.

“Is thatourway of avoiding a topic?”

“You tell me.”

“I don’t want you to do that. We’re friends. You can talk to me.”

I arch an eyebrow. “Kinda hypocritical of you when you don’t tell me stuff.”

She plays with the ring on my finger. I don’t think she’s aware she’s doing that.But I am.I can barely focus on anything butherandthetouchof her cold skin.

“If I could, I would.”

“You can.”

Shaking her head, she whispers, “I really can’t.”

I take her cold fingers and squeeze them gently. “I know I said I won’t offer you my help but forget about it. I will help younomatter what. If someone is hurting you, I’ll hurt them a thousand times worse. I will protect you.”

Hope watches me. She watches me for a long time and says nothing—she doesn’t have to. Her eyes say it all. She’s afraidforme.

Throwing her arms around my neck, she hugs me. This is not the first time and I sure as fuck don’t want it to be the last time when she hugs me out of nowhere. She does it without thinking. I’m sure it’s the only thing—the best thing—she doesn’t think about.

I feel her body shiver in my hold. I wonder if it’s because of the AC or something else.

This time I don’t waste a second and wrap my arms around her waist and press her body to mine.

Because I just can’t fucking help it.

Emotions, feelings, little-thoughts-bugging-my-heart-and-mind, or whatever the fuck you want to call them, surge high to the point I feel my own body vibrating. Whatever she’s feeling, I’m feeling it too.

No words get exchanged between us. In silence and cold I hold her in my arms, and she clings to me.

I've never held a girl in my arms before—a girl I have feelings for. She’s the first, and surprisingly I want her to be the only one who hugs me, and I hug her back.

“You’re a good friend, Heath.”

“I could be a better friend.”

She pulls back but I hold her tight.Don’t fucking go so soon.

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