Page 24 of My Damaged Protector

SARAH

Watchinga man as strong as Ian break down in front of me twists something inside me from the chest down to my belly.

I can see he's broken by his brother's death, but then again, who wouldn't be?

I wish I had better words to offer him than sorry, but it's all I can come up with right now. It hurts me to know Justin is dead, too. While he and I weren't exactly close, we had some sort of friendship back in the day.

He was the brother of the man I loved. I did my best to be cordial with him, and he returned the energy.

Hearing that he's dead threw me off. I didn't want to believe it when Ian was moaning his name in his dream last night, saying he was very sorry for not being able to save him.

It kept me up all night.

As soon as the first ray of sunshine broke, I was up and out of the room. I went down to the reception where I chatted with Susie. She's not particularly a friend, but she and I are familiar. She wanted to know if I knew Ian personally, but I found a way to divert the topic. I got her to give Ian’s meal to me, and I wasn’tso surprised when I saw that it was more than they usually provide.

The motel has a way of treating their customers like family, especially customers like Ian who have a tendency to act like a hero.

When I entered and saw the look of bliss in his eyes after a good night of sleep, I almost didn't want to steal that feeling from him by bringing the topic up, but I just couldn't help myself.

If Justin was indeed dead, I wanted to know and offer my condolences.

And now that I know and he's broken down in front of me, what do I do?

“You did your best,” I say, squeezing his hands, trying to get his attention. He won't look at me.

He's just staring off into space, tears still streaming down his face.

“Did I?” He finally speaks, giving me something to hold onto. I quickly latch on.

“Yes! Yes, Ian. I'm sure you did your best.”

He scoffs. His head turns briefly to look at me before he looks away again. “You're just saying that to make me feel better.”

Maybe.

“I'm not.”

“Stop it, Sarah,” he snaps, his tone now suddenly angry.

What did I miss?

“Stop what?”

“Stop telling me that it's alright that he's dead and I'm alive. He didn't deserve what happened.”

Well, better him than you,I want to say, but I stop myself just as I realize how terrible that sounds.

In all honesty, though, I'm happy Ian is alive. It's not like he's going to be mine or anything, but just knowing he's alive isenough for me. I don't think I would ever get over it if he'd been the one to die.

“He was always putting me first. Did you know that?” he asks, his eyes now back on me and shining with sorrow.

“It's what any brother would do,” I whisper.

Ian shakes his head, a fresh wave of sorrow hitting his features.

What did I say wrong this time?

“He wasn't my brother,” Ian mutters so low I almost don’t hear him.

---