Page 143 of My Damaged Protector

She speaks so confidently it's hard to not believe her. I had no idea she had any plan in place. If I did, maybe I wouldn't have needed to get involved, not in the way I did anyway.

All she had to do was trust me.

Is that too much for her?

“And if things hadn't gone according to plan?” I ask even though I know that's not a point right now.

“It would have. I've already gotten a message that they've boarded their flight.”

“When was this?”

“Just as I got to the hospital, about four hours ago.”

Fantastic. And then she lets me make a fool of myself afterward. If what I did to Peter had gone south, does she realize how much trouble I'd be in right now?

Stepping back from the window, I let my legs take me to the bed where I take a seat at the edge.

“So, you had it all figured out, huh?”

“Pretty much.” She shrugs. “I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I just wasn't sure how you'd take it.”

I nod and try to let myself wrap my head around the whole thing. I'm unable to.

It's all so hard. Am I happy she had a good plan in place? Yes. But I'm not satisfied. The fact that she gambled on our child's life doesn't sit well with me at all.

“Were you ever going to tell me?” I ask her.

She shrugs, moves closer to me, and takes a seat, too. “Honestly, I didn't think I would. But as I was driving back from the hospital and your call came in, all I could think of was telling you. I'm sorry, Ian. I honestly wish I had told you earlier. I imagined it many times. Dreamed about it, even. But I was too scared that you'd reject me.”

Somehow, I believe that she was thinking of telling me. But that she was scared I'd reject her? That guts me.

I know I wasn't the best man to her years ago, but I've been constantly trying to redeem myself since I started to think there's a chance for us.

But I haven't exactly been open about my feelings, so I do understand why she'd be reluctant. Still, I'd like to believe she knows I care about her even if she doesn't know I love her.

Shit, I love her, don't I?

Goodness.

It takes almost losing a child I didn't even know I wanted for me to realize I love her.

I'm a big idiot, I know. Don't tell me.

Swallowing, I glance at her. Although troubled, she's still beautiful. How am I ever going to live without her after all this?

“Why would you ever think I'd reject you?” I let the words venture out, desperate to understand in what world she thinks I'd be stupid enough to do that again, especially with a child in the picture.

“I don't know. Maybe because you've done it before?” She whispers so quietly I almost do not hear her.

Fuck.

My anger instantly leaves me, and it's replaced with guilt.

I did this.

I made this beautiful woman into someone who decided to fight her battles alone, unable to really trust anyone because I left her years ago.

How could I have not seen the effect of my leaving all those years on her?

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