Page 45 of Stirred Up

My head shakes violently this time. “I was just angry that you were ignoring me. Not jealous. We’re friends, Brady. I want to see you happy. If Ashley makes you—”

“She’s not my fucking date!” He grabs my forearms asif to shake me but holds me firmly in place. “Do you hear me? She’s here with Dylan.”

“What?!”

His grip tightens and I can’t ignore the way his fingers press into my chilled flesh. “If you got out of your own fucking head, you’d see that Dylan’s crazy about her. She was never anything but a friend and if you knew me like you think you do then you’dknow that.”

“She’s beautiful…smart.”

“No comparison. You’re everything, Moe.” His head dips, mouth skimming my ear. “Come home with me.”

I inhale his scent, my hands clinging to his jacket, when I’m hit with the smell of cheap peaches, his dance partner’s perfume who he just—

I shove him away. “Get off me. Let go!”

He does so immediately, his voice and expression arctic. “No more excuses!”

“Excuses? You just screwed some nobody just to piss me off! You really think I’d want anything to do with you after that?”

Brady’s noticeably affected, his hands clenched at his sides, nerve in his clenched jaw twitching. He looks pastme with an anguished sigh. “Explain to me what you really want. Please. Just some trashy affair with your doctor?”

“Don’t!” My voice squeaks, no idea what more to say, how to explain what I feel in Dr. Reynolds’ office. But I know it isn’t fair to Brady. He wants more, needs more, and I can’t give it.

“What? You think you can go in that office whenever you have an itch and no one will be affected? No one will gossip? This is a small town, Moe.”

“I’m not talking about it.” I can’t. It was just fun. Dr. Reynolds allowed me to live a fantasy, one that I refuse to regret.

“Fine, then answer me one question, and I’ll walk away. You won’t have to worry about dealing with me again.”

The thought of him leaving damn near breaks me, but I hold firm.

He stands in front of me, wary vulnerability in his eyes. “Tell me the truth. Tell me why, despite our attraction for each other, you won’t let us be happy. Because, babe, I would do anything for you. I’d make you the happiest woman alive if you’d let me.” His hand moves to my cheek,thumb brushing over my trembling bottom lip. “Tell me why you’re pushing me away.”

I close my eyes, unable to look at him as I answer. “Because I need my best friend and if we don’t work out, I can’t risk losing you forever.”

Eyes still shut, his hand drops away and I feel him move back. “It’s too late. You’ve already lost me.”

I open my eyes, watching him start through the side gate. He doesn’t look back, but I hear him clearly. “And if you really think I slept with that girl, you never knew me at all.”

There’s nothing for me to say. I stand there, tears spilling out, arms crossed over my chest, holding myself together while I watch him walk further into the darkness.

My chest constricts, something shattering deep inside at the thought of never seeing Brady again, of never laughing or joking with him, never holding him close. I lose myself in the grief, sinking down to the ground where I deserve to be. I screwed up. I lost the only man I can’t bear to live without.

Chapter 16

Everyone gets their fifteen minutes of fame, right?

Well, mine are up. For a brief blip of time I’d felt special, amazing, alive…and just as quickly, it’s over.

I sold my soul to the devil—the snarling beast awakened inside me—for a few visits with a “happy ending.” Now I’m left a shell of myself. An empty, hollow ache in my chest, rats in my hair, and stains on my three day old pajamas.

After the fifth time I was told, “His schedule is full,” I quit trying to make an appointment with Dr. Reynolds.

After the seventh failed rendezvous with my almostforgotten little blue friend, I threw it away.

And Brady…

I miss him like fat kids—which I’ll soon be if I don’t snap out of this funk—miss cake. Speaking of cake… I rouse my dumpy, frumpy self off the couch, pausing myWill and GraceDVD, to shuffle into the kitchen.

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