Page 91 of Unstable

HE WAS ASLEEP WHEN I returned to bed last night, a pruned, confused, exhausted mess. And unable to come at a better time, more than needed, I had one of my dreams.

My mother visited me, with her soft, kind smile, helping me sort through all my plaguing questions, worries and thoughts.

I swear I could smell her body powder, feel her hug, and this morning I woke up with full, vivid memory of every word of her advice.

Keaton’s gone, the man rises before the sun, so I have the bed all to myself to lay, relax, and review.

‘Henley Gene, what’s got you worried? That man loves you, don’t hold back sweet girl. Put your arms out and fall. He’ll catch you.’

‘But fall where? Here or there? I can’t ask him to give up his farm, and I’m definitely not giving up ours. I just got back here.’

‘It’s time for a whole new life, Henley, a life that’s all your own. Nothing but good. But where you came from helps dictate where you’re going, so, take a piece with you sweetie. Re-divide the land. Start fresh there. You won’t walk in most of the rooms here anyway. Take what you want from here, the memories that make you happy, with you. And let this house try again, to give warmth and shelter to a new, whole family.’

I’ll never really be sure if it’s my subconscious transposing what I want, deep down, into my dreams…the point between consciousness, where one controls their mind, and sleep, where one gives up that control, when my mom comes and tells me it’s okay to act on my heart’s desires or if it’s actually her visiting me, guiding me.

I once heard a quote: “No man is happy without a delusion of some kind. Delusions are as necessary to our happiness as realities.”

And there you have it. Either way, it’s necessary…and fine by me. If I think I’m getting long missed advice from my mama, no one has the right to tell me any different.

Time to get up and ready for the day…and tell Gatlin my decision.

I shower, dress and let a medicated Bourbon outside with me. Just as Keaton’s truck comes up the driveway.

“Good morning, gorgeous girl.” He hops out and greets me with a huge grin and bone- melting kiss. “Where you headed?”

“Bourbon and I are going to find Gatlin. Need to talk to him. Where’ve you been?”

He reaches back in his truck, producing a stack of papers and a pen. “I went and got everything you need to sign for Boles. That is, if you’re still sure?”

“Still sure.” I snatch the pen from his hand. “Point to the spots where I sign.”

“Don’t you want to read it?”

I give him a playfully exasperated look. “Did you read it?”

“Every word,” he nods.

“Am I good?”

“Never let you be anything but, baby.”

“I believe you. Now point.”

He shakes his head and laughs, kissing the top of my head. “I love you, Henny. And I love that you trust me.”

“Yeah, yeah,” I tease.

As he flips through the pages and I apply my signature, I can feel the anxiousness rolling off him. Something’s got him itching in his beautifully tight jeans.

“What is it?” I ask, my eyes never leaving the papers.

“Nothing.” He’s as good at lying as he is storytelling and can’t pull off aloof to save his fine ass. “Just curious whatcha need to talk to Gatlin about. Help with the cows or something? I’m available.”

There it is.

“Oh sweetie, if you wanna go fishing, river’s right over there,” I point and laugh.

He steps up behind me, both hands on the hood of his truck caging me in and grinds up against my ass. “Bet I can make you tell me,” he speaks sexily in my ear.

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