Page 30 of Unstable

“WHAT? YOU’RE INSANE.” I wave off his crazy talk and amble down the stairs, done with this entire day.

He’s right behind me in a nanosecond, his big, booted footsteps far from subtle, unwilling to give up. “Don’t walk away from me. I finally got ya talkin’. By God, we’re finishing this conversation, if I have to tie you down!”

“Keaton, you’re not making any sense. I’ve always been your plan? What’s that even mean? Back then, I had a boyfriend, she had a crush on you. You knew there was no chance. And now? You haven’t seen me in eight years. Please tell me you made other plans. And tying me down? Rethink that shit right now, you lunatic!”

I plop down on the couch, arranging my pillow and blankets. If he’s not gonna leave, he can watch me sleep. I no longer give a damn. Except I half believe him and can’t totally rule out the possibility he might really tie me up while I sleep. He does, and he better hope I never get loose, ‘cause if I do…his ass better sleep with one eye open.

He watches me, losing focus for a minute. “Wait, are you sleeping down here? Have you been this whole time?”

“And just when I start to worry, you wow me with a keen observation,” I sass, laying down and covering up—seriously going to bed whether he leaves or not. I’m beat, so I’ll take my chances on the possible hostage situation.

It appears the answer is not. ‘Cause he lifts my legs, blanket and all, then sits down on the couch, settling my legs over him.

I try to move them, but his hand’s already there, tight grip holding them still.

“You know we’re gonna address you sleeping on the couch, right?” he asks. “But one hurdle at a time. I want to finish our talk about Hadley.”

I sit up as if I just got shocked, fightin’ mad. “Don’t say her name! Never…just…how dare you? I don’t…” my head dips, moisture mounting in my eyes, “say it out loud.”

“Why the hell not? If it had been you, would you want her to just totally forget, erase you from her mind? Hen, please, let me hold you. I can’t stand seeing you so broken, Darlin’.”

I peer up at him, shooting daggers through my tears. “I don’t need to be held.”

“I disagree.”

“I don’t care. I know what I need, not you.”

“Okay, so tell me. What do you need? Anything, name it, and I’ll buy it, find it, or make it for you.”

“Ugh,” I groan in frustration. “It’s nothing you can fix. I have to fix it for myself. I need…” I sniffle, wiping my nose on my sleeve which will hopefully gross him out enough to leave, “to find some peace, feel like they forgive me, decide if I’m meant to stay here. I don’t deserve to, and you,” I point a shaky finger at him, “have got to quit talking gibberish and messing with my head.”

“Hold on.” He pulls out his phone and starts pushing buttons.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m making a list. All the things we gotta work on. We’ll go slow, one thing at a time. But you mark my words, we’re getting through this entire list. And number one, we’re knockin’ out tonight. I’ve waited, oh, I’d say about fifteen years too many on an answer. So, we’re finishing our talk, about Hadley. Yes, I said her name. I always want to remember her, she was a wonderful girl and a good friend.”

I openly sob now, the blanket my Kleenex, and ask in an angry, mournful whisper. “If she was so wonderful, why didn’t you like her back? You know she had the biggest crush on you, and all you did was devastate her, over and over. I hated you for hurting her.”

“Listen to me. I never hurt her. Hen, she knew, we talked about it. She understood, and perhaps you’ve forgotten, but that last year or so, she had a boyfriend for God’s sake. Remember Justin? Nice guy, treated her very well? Which is more than I can say for yours.”

He glowers, his eternal hatred of Merrick gleaming in his eyes. I’ve never quite understood it, but I’ll be damned if I’m opening up that conversation. He’ll just add it to the list of things I don’t want to do.

“What did she know? You two talked, about what?” I ask instead, surprised I didn’t know about some secret talk.

“One day when we were alone, I finally told her,” he rubs my leg slowly and stares into my eyes, “that I’d been crazy about you forever. The first time I saw you, I thought you were the most beautiful creature I've ever seen.”

“Nice try,” I roll my eyes. “We were identical twins.”

“Maybe to a blind man,” he grins, eyes twinkling with smug confidence.

“Oh, please. We fooled our teachers, friends, even our own mom a time or two.”

He shrugs. “I don’t know what to tell ya, other than I could pick you out at a hundred yards, in the dark, covering one eye.”

“How?” I ask on a wisp of wonderment.

“Several ways. For one, and my favorite, is that fleck of gold you have in your left eye, right by the pupil. It hides sometimes, depending on what color shirt you’re wearing. And of course, there was your hips, much fuller than hers. Your lips too, but especially the bottom one. Your presence, dead giveaway. The air around you was always more serious, considering, guarded while Hadley was never anything but bouncy, happy, smiling. The way you mount a horse, left leg over first. You chewed your nails. You dressed more modestly. Want me to go on?” He grins wide, awfully pleased with himself.

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