“He’s grieving.”
“No, this is more than grieving. He’s losing his fucking marbles.” There. It was out. I felt immensely better not carrying the weight of it alone and incredibly guilty at the same time.
A crease formed in her brow. I could tell she was thinking back over all their interactions. “Honestly, I wasn’t tooconcerned before. Now you’ve got me worried. How bad is it truly?” she asked it at length.
“Like I said, I haven’t known him long enough to say for certain.”
“Well, considering he’s always been pretty level-headed and is now serving as our general, I think anything beyond level-headed is alarming.”
“He’s my commander. What do you expect me to say?” I asked.
“I’m asking you to tell a healer the truth about whether he needs help or not.”
“I think half the Twelve Kingdoms armies can see he needs help,” I said in a rush of frustration.
“Then why is nobody saying it?” she demanded.
“You don’t think they’re afraid to say the general is mentally unwell?”
Kiera pushed her hands into her hair, gathering it like she often did when she was trying to think through a difficult problem. “We all deal with death differently.”
“I know,” I assure her. “But where is the line? When is it unsafe for him to still be in command?”
She sighed. “Goddess knows.”
I lifted a shoulder and shook my head. “If I knew the best course of action, I would have taken it already. But I don’t.”
“Do you think he’s a danger to the kingdoms?” she asked carefully.
I could see her thought process. She was dancing around the issue so as not to say it out loud.
“I don’t think he’d recover from that,” I said with caution.
Her eyes flashed to mine. “Recover from what?”
“I can see what you’re thinking,” I replied.
“Don’t say it.” She exhaled, and I knew she was silently asking me if she needed to go to her father and have him removed.
“I don’t want to, but we may be left with no choice if something doesn’t change soon.”
“And what are we doing in the meantime?” she asked, seeming to really be taking this as seriously as I was now. My relief was palpable. “What of the King? Is he concerned?”
I huffed out my frustration. “The King sees what he wants to see. He finally has an Asra back in command. Do you think he is looking for problems to put that in jeopardy? He wants to present a solid, united front, especially after everything with Octavian. Removing Nyx would only further destabilize the command. I don’t think we can afford to do that with the threat of the undead.”
“Have you taken your concerns to him?” She asked.
“Goddess, no! Where would that get me? Nyx chose me as his second in command, and nobody but him fucking trusts me.”
“They trust you,” Kira said with another frown.
“No, the King doesn’t trust me because—” I bit my tongue, not wanting her to question my origin like the King was. “Because I’m brand new to the council and he can tell Nyx only trusts me.”
“Why do you think that?”
“Because it’s clear none of the flyers have any respect for my authority, Kiera,” I’d taken an oath, so I couldn’t exactly tell everyone that I was a well-respected leader where I came from. To this kingdom, I was an orphan from the fringes of society with no experience or real knowledge of the kingdoms. “It’s not exactly rational to make someone as new as I am his second.”
“Isn’t it easier to trust you rather than anyone Octavian could have turned?” Kiera asked, and I was glad she didn’t press.