Page 14 of Caveman Alien's Bride

Even the bulge is the same one I remember. I know because it creates the same tingles in my girly bits.

“Korr'ax,” I greet him, trying to keep my voice neutral. “I didn’t think I’d see you again.”

“Brrryarrr,” he rumbles with long, hardrs, making my name sound like a lion’s growl. “Jahko merfo rohentah dah.”

He takes a big roll out of his pack and unrolls it. It’s a stack of leather sheets, each the size of a big screen television. Kneeling down, he smooths the stack out on the sand.

“Are you sure this is him?” Piper asks, just as tense as I am. I notice she has a stick in her hand, ready to strike if necessary.

“It’s him,” I tell her. “And he’s brought his comic strip.”

That’s what the upper sheet looks like. It’s as thick as a piece of cardboard, but a big part of it has been made a grayish white by some chemical process.

There are drawings on it. Primitive drawings, like the ones the cavemen on Earth would draw on the walls in their caves.

On the sheet, someone has drawn an action scene with black ink and some pale colors. On one side is a caveman, probablyKorr'ax. He’s not drawn as primitive as a stick figure, but it’s all straight lines and zero perspective. It’s similar to how an eight-year-old would draw a man, so fully recognizable. There are stripes and a sword.

“That’s him,” Piper says, pointing with her stick. “And that… is thatyou?”

If Korr'ax has drawn himself with all straight lines, he’s drawn me with all curves and much longer hair than I really have. The hips and chest are exaggerated like a caricature, and my butt looks immense. I can see many faded lines, so he’s had many tries before he got something he liked.

“I think so. Not super flattering, but I guess it could be worse.”

“And there’s the raptor about to eat you.”

There’s no doubt about that — the predator has been drawn much better, as if by someone who just draws dinosaurs a lot. There are teeth and feathers and a long tail, and the gape is open as the dino comes right at me.

“He even got the mirror right.” I point at the small item in my stick-figure hand, sending a beam of light at the not-raptor’s eyes.

Korr'ax points to each figure in turn. “Bryarrr. Korr'ax.Rekh.”

“A rekh must be what they call a not-raptor,” I shrewdly guess. “Okay, fine. It’s a nice drawing. Good job, Korr'ax. You’re a regular Edward Hopper.”

He pulls the sheet off the stack and puts it aside. The next sheet also has drawings on it. There’s the same three figures, but this time the big-bottomed figure on the ground. The Korr'ax figure has hacked his sword into the not-raptor’s head and it’sbleeding. I’m semi-alarmed that he seems to have used real blood to color that part.

Again my butt has been drawn impossibly big and round.

“Bryarrr,” the caveman says as he points. “Korr'ax.Rekh.”

“Pretty good drawings,” Piper comments. “So does he just want to remind you— okay, thathasto be porn.”

Korr'ax has pulled off the sheet and revealed the one beneath.

And I desperately wish I had thought of where this comic might be going. Because now we’re looking at a dead not-raptor on its back, Korr'ax with his kilt off and his giant hard-on pointing skywards, holding a naked, big-butted Earth girl to his mouth in a very suggestive way, her legs over his shoulders.

I quickly bend down and try to cover that drawing with my hands. “This is… it’s porn. Yeah.” I glance up at Piper.

She frowns. “So is this something that he imagines, or…?”

“Korr'ax,” Korr'ax says unnecessarily, pushing my hands away. “Bryar.Teelbet.” He points to the part where his mouth is clearly deep in my crotch and I am leaning back on his arms, my head back and mouth open in ecstasy. It’s a primitive drawing, and that makes it really unmistakable what’s going on there. He even depicted my toes curling.

“So of course you really got your art talent out forthisdrawing,” I mutter, feeling my cheeks burn with embarrassment. “Well, he did take his skirt off at one point. And he did have that… thing there.”

Piper tilts her head. “And hedideat you like a watermelon wedge?”

Shit.“He did. Sorry, Piper! I should have told you. It’s just… it was so awkward. I mean, later.”

“Uh-huh. It looks like it was a pretty intimate moment.”

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