Page 94 of Embracing Trust

“You hurt her, Ryan.” Merilee grits her teeth. “And you continue to hurt her. You’ve hidden a woman who claims she’s carryingyourchild frommybest friend.” She shakes her head. “I don’t understand why you didn’t just tell her. Why would you keep this a secret? Did you think she’d never find out?”

“I met with a lawyer almost immediately and I kept thinking it would be over soon and Aubree would go back to North Carolina. I’d get the results from the DNA test and then I could talk to Julia.” I shrug. “I know. Bad plan.”

“I can tell you Julia thinks everyone knew about this—your grandma, Mark, Brad, all of our friends. She thinks Aubree came back with you and has been here the whole time.”

My stomach drops.

Julia thinks everyone knew about it.

I squeeze my eyes closed and my heart turns to dust.

What have I done?

This conversation solidifies my poor judgement—by keeping this from Julia. The situation clearly out of hand at this point and I’m to blame.

“No. Aubree showed up at my parents’ house later. And no one knew anything about it. They still don’t—only Patrick and Lydia know the truth.”

And this is the secret that’s killing me—snuffing out my future like a candle.

Merilee takes a sip of her drink and continues to study me.

“Listen, I’m seeing a therapist. I’ve been diagnosed with depression and PTSD.”

Merilee nods. “I’ve had some training with that, and I’ve worked with some returning Vets in the psych unit at the hospital. I do understand how your choices and judgment could’ve been affected.”

“You do?” I let out a breath and sit up straighter, hope poking me in the back. “So, you believe me, and you’ll talk to Julia?”

“Not so fast.”

My shoulders drop and I lean back in the booth. My heart drops.

“Are you seeing a therapist?”

“Yes, at least once a week and sometimes twice.”

“I’m not going to go to Julia directly and tell her to forgive you—not my place. I will, however, support your relationship with her.”

“You will? Merilee, I—”

“If you continue to go to therapy and you think of a way to win her back. You have a lot of work to do.”

I fold my arms on the table and my head drops. “I love her so much.”

“I know.”

I lift my head. “I’ve made so many mistakes.” I rub the back of my neck as I struggle to find the right words. “I know I’ve hurt her and that was never my intention. I just want her back.” I lean in closer to Merilee. “I’m not sleeping and I’m barely eating. I know I’ve messed this up. I’ve gotta get it right if I ever want to be with Julia again.”

“You know, it’s the trust issue with her and I don’t blame her. She’s been hurt. Her dad stomped on her heart and when you left for the Army, she was crushed and—”

“And that was my fault.” I raise my hand. “And I wish I could get a do-over on that one. I should’ve been more considerate of her feelings, but I had my own agenda.”

I wanted to get away from feeling like I was under my parent’s thumb at every turn. Going to the Army was the best thing I ever did for myself, but the worst thing for me and Julia as a couple.

“Honestly, I did tell her that. I told her that your leaving had nothing to do with the relationship you two had, but she dug her heels in. Her dad really did a number on her.”

“I can’t lose her.” My throat feels dry and my stomach aches at the thought of never being able to make this right.

“She needs to trust you. Do you understand that? If she can’t trust you, it’ll never work out.”

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