Page 38 of Embracing Trust

My body goes still when I feel Julia’s toes as they rub on my pant leg from across the table. Her eyes bore into mine and she grins as she continues. My cock hardens and can only hope her foot moves to my crotch. I let out a groan.

The waitress reappears at our table and breaks the moment. Julia drops her foot. “Can I bring you two anything else? More drinks, dessert?”

You ruined my potential dessert, lady.

“Julia?”

“Actually, that sounds wonderful.”

As I watch her study the dessert menu, all I can think about is getting her back to her place. Of course, I’d sleep with her in a heartbeat, but I’ll need to take this slow. She’s gotten under my skin tonight. Especially her under-the-table foot play.

When the waitress delivers our dessert, my body’s on fire and reacting to every move she makes.

She takes a bite of the chocolate dessert and licks the whipped cream off her fork. She moans in pleasure.

“Oh. This is divine.” Her eyes practically roll into the back of her head.

I watch as she chews each bite and uses her tongue to capture the chocolate on her lips.

“You didn’t even try it yet,” she says as she leans across the table, and I hold my fork just above the decadent treat.

“I’m actually enjoying just watchingyoueat it,” I smirk.

She grins, dips her finger into the whipped cream, and sucks it off her finger with a pop.

I groan and get rewarded with her sweet laugh.

She’s adorable.

She has to know what she’s doing to me. Definitely being a little flirt. Just watching her make love to that chocolate dessert with her mouth and tongue is about to send me over the edge.

I’m trying to listen to my smart head—the one on my shoulders—although it is in total disagreement with my other head. I want nothing more than to take her to bed and make up for every minute we’ve lost.

She still has obvious trust issues and even though I know we could have a great time together I need to take this slow. She needs to trust me. She’s putting herself out there for me and I don’t want to take advantage of her.

All I can do is continue to prove to her that I can be trusted. If I can keep my demons from Afghanistan hidden, I should be able to start building my life back into some sort of normal. I’d love to have her by my side as I do just that.

Chapter Seventeen

Julia

Although I hate to admit it, I’d seen the yellow caution flags waving long before Luke’s rendezvous in the garden with the billiard babe at the party. Deep down—just from this attitude and the things he’d said—I suspected I’d never fit into his lifestyle and most likely, never fit in with his group of friends. Maybe it was that I wanted to believe I could make it work. Maybe it was Merilee’s encouragement. Whatever it was, I’m relieved it’s over. A weight’s lifted off my shoulders and I’m just thankful I saw Luke’s true colors before I got too involved with him. I said I’d never date a cheater. My past has shown me what that does to a person. My mother crumbled and I had to be there to pick up the pieces. I’ve worked too hard at being strong and I won’t let someone bring me down like that again.

My biggest fear is that I’ll get hurt. Trusting people—especially the opposite sex—is still difficult. First Ryan, then Jeff, followed by Dave. Maybe I’m gaining though because I hadn’t built any kind of trust with Luke. It was too early. My skepticism was proven the night of the dinner party.

Maybe the problem is I want to trust. I trust too early because I want to find that connection where I can erase everything that happened with my father. Erase that pain. I don’t want to have to compare every relationship I’m in to my father’s behavior. I just want Ryan to be good enough for me. I want to trust him.

Admitting that I’m sexually attracted to Ryan surprises me. I’m admitting that I not only thirst for the contact and the release, but that I’m also feeling a connection to him. I want to trust him with my body.

He’s still the same guy from high school, except he’s more confident, and he’s more compassionate than I recall.

Sex for me is a combination of a lot of things. With the right partner, it’s fun and there’s a connection and a trust. I would love to have a partner who makes my needs important. And no rushing the moment. And when we’re done, both partners should feel satisfied—emotionally, physically.

It’s been so long for me. Dave was my last boyfriend and his performance in the bedroom left a lot to be desired. It was always a rush, and I was never physically satisfied. It left me feeling like a failure, because he was always sound asleep, and I would be awake wondering why I never gotmyrelease. I did try to talk to him about it a few times, but he always patted my shoulder and gave me some condescending answer. I felt inadequate when it came to sex. Talk about a confidence killer.

When we walk into Taco Casa, I get a good look at Ryan’s ass in those jeans. He is one fine specimen. He’s wearing a white polo shirt that can barely contain his pecs and biceps. I’d love to get a look at what’s underneath.

Every time he takes a drink of his margarita, his Adam’s apple bobs, and I don’t want to look away. I remember what it felt like to put my lips on his neck, on his lips, on his cheek. His cheeks are now covered in a slight scruff.

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