Page 16 of Embracing Trust

“I almostkissedRyan.”

Merilee wraps her arm around my shoulder and leans into me. “I saw that and like I told you in the car, you can’t just flip a switch and think you’re going to turn off what you two had.”

I whisper as I lean into Merilee. “I wanted to kiss him.”

“Don’t blame you.”

“I’m dating Luke and I wanted to kiss Ryan. What iswrongwith me?” I lower my head and slouch my shoulders.

“Nothing iswrongwith you.”

“While all of that was happening, Luke never crossed my mind.”

“You just need time to get everything figured out.”

As always, I let out a relieved breath and thank my best friend.

I do a quick scan of the room and Ryan and Mark have not returned from outside.

I want to believe Ryan McCormick is not affecting me and he’s out of my life. That may be true. He may be out of my life, but he’s never been out of my heart.

The only question is—am I okay with that?

Judging by the pound of my heart and the tightness in my chest, I think I’m okay with it.

I almost kissed him.

Chapter Nine

Ryan

What the hell is wrong with me? I was about to kiss her, and I doubt if I could’ve stopped myself from carrying it farther.

Several guests bump into us as the dance ends and my perimeter compresses as people surround me. My upper lip breaks into a sweat and the crowded dancefloor wraps me into its hold like a constricting belt. My shallow breaths turn to light gasps.

I need to relax. Take a deep breath. Get outside and get some air.

On my way back to the table, Mark stands and searches his jacket until he retrieves a pack of cigarettes and a lighter.

“You headed outside?” I ask as I nod toward the exit.

Mark studies me and furrows his brow. “I’m goin’ for a smoke. Come on, let’s get outta here.”

I follow Mark down the hallway toward a back-door exit.

He turns to me.

“Just need some air.” I scurry down the hallway, not able to hit the doorway fast enough.

We go outside and I take a deep breath of the cool, humid evening air. I let it fill my lungs and blow it out slowly. Mark finds a picnic table around the corner and plops down on the bench. He takes a cigarette, puts it to his lips, and flicks his lighter to ignite it. Once it’s lit, he takes a long drag and blows the smoke away from me.

He offers the pack with a grin. “Want one?”

“Yeah,” I reply and pull a smoke from his pack and put it in my mouth.

“What the hell? Since when do you smoke?”

I reach out and he hands me the lighter. I ignite the cigarette like an old pro and take my first drag. When I hand the lighter back to Mark, his cigarette hangs haphazardly from his mouth.

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