Page 113 of Embracing Trust

I take a deep breath. “I know this doesn’t change much.” I shrug. “As far as your trust with me anyway, but this is a huge relief. Huge. I’m not prepared to father a child right now.”

Julia is quiet as she bows her head and fumbles with the tissue in her hands.

“I want to prove to you that you can trust me.”

She looks up at me.

“I care about you. As a matter of fact, I’m in love with you. Always have been. I know I’ve been wrong with all of this.” I run my hand through my hair. “I guess I didn’t want to face the situation with Aubree. The whole thing just overwhelmed me.” I swallow the lump in my throat.

Making the poor decisions that I’ve made have most likely ruined my relationship with one of the most important people in my life. The best person in my life.

“I can’t do this alone, Jules, and I certainly don’t have all the answers.” I rub the back of my neck. “I want to be here with you.Foryou. Do you understand?”

“I do understand, Ryan.” Julia bites her bottom lip. “But you have to understand where I’m coming from. This isn’t something I want to keep repeating.” She takes a deep breath and whispers, “How do I explain this?” She reaches across the table and holds my hands. “I appreciate you being so open with me and so honest. You don’t know how much that means to me. I acknowledge I have trust issues.” She laughs. “I want to work on that. I know I need to work on that.”

“I’m working on myself. I’m seeing a therapist twice a week.” I grin. “And I have a dog now. She’s—”

“A dog?” Julia’s face beams.

“She isn’t a therapy dog, but she’s a companion and she’s been the best. The nightmares are less and talking to the therapist is helping me deal with what happened in Afghanistan.” I take a deep breath. “I’ve been diagnosed with PTSD.”

Julia smiles softly. “It sounds like you’ve been doing some hard work.”

“It has been hard,” I acknowledge. “But it’s worth it—to get back to a normal life. I wish you’d say you’ll give me another shot—giveusanother shot.”

My heart hammers in my chest and my hands shake as I wait for her to respond.

Julia looks down at the table as she bites her bottom lip. A typical nervous gesture from her. She looks at me. “I’m willing to work on things”

I’m sure my smile radiates across the mountains of Colorado. “The therapist suggested—if I could get you to come around, that is—that you attend some sessions with me.” I hold up a hand. “Not becauseyouneed it, but because I could use the support.”

She’s quiet as she studies my face.

Oh no. I said something wrong.

“You’re not the only one who’s hurt this relationship. I have some accountability too and plenty of baggage of my own.”

“Your own baggage, huh?” I smile.

“It wouldn’t hurt me to have a fresh start as well. It’s time for me to let go of the past—with my father—I think it’s weighed me down enough.”

“What’re you saying?”

“Either with your therapist—together or on my own—I need to get some help for my insecurities. I need a—”

“Hold up.” I stop her. “Your insecurities came from what happened with Aubree?”

“No. What happened with my father started it and every little thing in between has only added to it.”

I reach across the table and take her hands in mine. She rubs her thumb against my fingers.

“Is this the part where you kiss me?” she whispers.

I chuckle. “It could be.” I give her my mega-watt smile and the eyebrow-raising thing.

I stand, move to her side of the table, and pull out her chair. She rises and throws herself into my arms. She looks up at me and whispers. “Isthisthe part where you kiss me?”

“This is the part.”

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