Page 75 of Embracing Trust

“Reading about what?”

My stomach flops around like a fish. What’s she reading about? I hope she isn’t going to play junior psychiatrist here.

Julia bites her lip. “Just about soldiers returning from combat.”

“And you think you understand it now? Because you’ve read a few online articles or something?”

My chest tightens. Reading a few articles is no testament to the hell I’ve been through. I wonder if the articles discuss bloody limbs being blown off and what it feels like to lose your brothers.

Julia swallows hard. She drops her shoulders and wraps her arms around herself. “I don’t think I understand it.” Her voice is quiet. I can barely hear her over the crashing waves of the ocean.

I can’t deal with this right now—can’t deal with Julia. I don’t want her to get into the place where I hold what happened in Afghanistan. I’m not ready. This is too much right now. I don’t want to talk about Afghanistan and I sure as hell don’t want to talk about Aubree. Both conversations will have to wait until I’m ready.

I lean over and give her a chaste kiss on the mouth. “I need to get going.” I stand up and shake out my beach towel as I walk toward the house.

Julia is quickly on her feet as she struggles to keep up with me.

“Ryan. Please wait,” she says as she grabs my arm. “I didn’t mean to upset you. I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine.”

We make it to her deck. “It isn’t fine. Please don’t rush off.” Her eyes are watery now.

Oh shit.

I take her in my arms. I’m a jumbled-up mess. My life is like a single piece of a jigsaw puzzle mixed up in the box. I don’t know where I fit in.

I kiss her forehead. “Everything will be okay,” I assure her. “I’ll call you tonight, okay? After I talk to Patrick.”

She nods and buries her face in my t-shirt. The dampness of her tears not only soaks through to my chest, but it also soaks through to my heart.

Shit, this is killing me. I’m destroying everything around me.

My mouth covers hers and I grip onto her. I can’t lose her. She’s my world. She is the only one who can save me from myself.

When I get to Patrick’s, I go straight to my room and toss my overnight bag on the floor. Since he isn’t in the living room, I venture into the kitchen.

May as well get this over with.

He isn’t in the kitchen, so I peek around the corner into his office. He’s at the desk with the phone to his ear.

“That’s what I needed, Stan.” He waves me into his office, and I take a seat across from his desk. “I’ll have a print to you by next week and I’ll wait for your bid.”

I pick up a pencil from the desk and twirl it between my fingers.

The sooner we get this over with.

Patrick ends his call and I replace the pencil.

My hands sweat and I wipe them on the front of my shorts.

“Where you been?” Patrick pokes his tongue against his cheek and exhales.

“Julia’s.”

Patrick nods as he studies me.

“Listen, I’m sorry I—”

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