Page 64 of Embracing Trust

“Here’s the deal. . .” I begin. “I don’t want to be with her, but if the kid is mine, I need to take responsibility. I acknowledge that. I’m willing to pay child support or whatever, but I’m not in love with her or anything.”

Lydia crosses her legs. “What does Julia say?”

I shake my head. “I haven’t told her.”

Lydia’s mouth drops open. “What? Why?”

I grit my teeth. “I just found out a few hours ago.”

Patrick shakes his head and I see a lot of Dad in him. “If you’re serious about Julia—”

“I am.” I leave no room for misunderstanding.

“You’re gonna have to tell her.” Patrick takes another drink. “And I don’t know what you’re going to do about Mom and Dad.”

The thought of telling Julia makes my stomach churn even more. “Hopefully, I can get this all straightened out, send Aubree on her way back to North Carolina, and life goes on as it was.”

My brother and sister-in-law shake their heads as I look between them. “What?” They’re looking at me like I have three eyeballs.

Lydia grimaces. “You need to come clean with Julia. It’s not like you’re cheating on her. This woman was in your life before you got back with Julia.”

I look to my brother, and he nods. “She’s right.”

“Julia’s busy tonight and I’m not going out there. It’s late. Besides, I need some time to think this through.” I stand from my chair. “I’m sorry to drop all of this shit on you guys.”

“You need to see an attorney,” Lydia says, her expression serious.

I turn to my brother, and he nods. “She’s right. We can help you find an attorney tomorrow. And if money is an issue. . .”

“Thanks. I’m going to bed.” I don’t feel like getting into any sort of money discussion with Patrick. I have plenty of money in savings from my time in the military. Plus, I’ve been saving most of the money I’ve been earning from Patrick. He and Lydia have already done enough for me.

After I take my second hot shower of the day, I crawl into bed. Although I’m not sleepy, my muscles ache and my head pounds like a drum.

Just when I was starting to feel in control of things, this curveball gets thrown into my life. What if this is my kid? What if Aubree continues to insist we get back together? Were we even truly together anyway? I mean I liked Aubree, but our relationship was never anything serious and she knew that. We agreed. She wasn’t interested in a serious relationship any more than I was. We had fun together and she knew I’d be coming back to Texas.

I close my eyes tightly as I try to think of the times we had sex. I know we used a condom every damn time. She says the baby is due in the spring. I don’t even know how to calculate that shit. Nine months—that’s about all I know. I’m sure there’s some formula that they can practically pinpoint the day of conception. What if I see an attorney and Aubree refuses a test?

My phone buzzes and interrupts my thoughts. I check the display. Aubree.

Aubree: I’m sorry I had to drop the bomb on you like I did. I know you were surprised about the pregnancy. I was too.

Ryan: We have some things to work out.

Aubree: Yes. I’m staying at Chateau Inn for a few more days. Good night, Ryan. I love you.

She loves me? I shake my head. I don’t love her, and I don’t think I ever could. At least not the way she needs. I need to know if that baby she’s carrying really is mine. Why would she lie?

I need to get some sleep and figure things out tomorrow. Mom always said that things seem better in the morning. I hope she’s right.

My night is restless, and I finally end up going onto the porch around three o’clock. The air is damp. My head feels heavy, and my eyes burn like acid. Even though I feel like taking a few drags off a cigarette, I don’t.

The front door opens, and I turn around. Lydia. She steps onto the porch.

“Can’t sleep?” she asks.

“Not really.”

She sits on the porch swing.

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