Page 51 of Filthy Savage

“How come you came back home all pissed off, ready to kick ass first and take names later, and now…”

His words trail off, and I wait for him to continue, but he doesn’t. He watches and waits for me to respond somehow. I’m not quite sure what I’m supposed to say to him. I continue to focus on my plate, swirling my spaghetti noodles around on my fork before I let out a heavy sigh and finally turn to look at him.

He’s smiling as he watches me, a smirk firmly planted on his lips. “Do I really need to say it?” I ask.

Guts laughs, his voice echoing in the emptiness of the dark land around us. I don’t know why this place is my favorite, but it is. I think I love everything about this cabin and the property around it.

I’ve never felt peaceful in the city. As much as I love Austin and the whole, healthy hippie lifestyle that I really have fallen in love with, there’s just something about Pineville. You can’t feel anything other than at peace.

“You do,” he says.

Letting out a grunt, I lift my fork to my lips and take a bite of my pasta, chewing it thoroughly to waste some time. I’m not sure how I’m going to answer this. What I truly feel, I can’t say.I can’t admit it to myself, let alone another person… not yet at least.

“Brew,” I whisper.

“Always been him, babe.”

“Always,” I agree.

He chuckles, his voice low, almost so low that I don’t hear him, but I do. “Yeah,” I rasp.

“He was never the same after you left,” he announces after a few moments of silence. I open my mouth to ask him who, but he continues, so I snap my lips closed. “Neither of them were. Not Clink and not Brew. They love you, Spencer.”

I’m not sure how I feel about that information. Clink always told me that he was proud of me and that he was happy I left and was living my life. Although I know he wanted me to at least come home more often to visit.

Brew… I can’t even dig into that right now.

Because if I do, I’m going to feel like I lost out on ten years with this man, and I don’t want to believe that things could have worked out, that we could have been together this whole time.

But would we be? I know without a doubt that I was not ready for a relationship when I left here. I don’t think Evan was, either. He is not the same person he was ten years ago. Granted, he was a grown-ass man then, just as he is now, but it’s a different world, and he would have expected me to accept things that would have completely destroyed me.

Even with as much hesitation as I have about this right now, I know myself as a woman and what I will accept and what I won’t. Although, all of that doesn’t stop my mind from spinning. And that doesn’t mean I trust him yet—that takes time. The time we’ve spent together is just a blip.

But I want more. I want it all with Evan. Every single little thing there is to have.

CHAPTER

TWENTY

BREW

I’m fucking trashed.Not just a little bit, either. But I’m really fucking drunk. Letting out a laugh, I try to stand to my feet, but I have to brace my hands on the table because my legs threaten to give out on me, and that thought makes me laugh.

And then, when I start to laugh, King and Atomic join in while Nash calls us all pussy lightweights, but when he says it, he’s slurring.

I’m not sure how I get in bed or what bed I’m lying in, but the room spins as I stare at the ceiling and question every aspect of my life. Every single aspect, and at the top of it all, at the forefront of my mind is Spencer.

My Spencer.

She’s always been mine, and now that I have her, I’m keeping her.

Eventually, my eyes close. I’m not sure how long I sleep, but my eyes crack open what feels like just a few moments later. My head is pounding, my stomach rolls, and my throat feels dry as fuck. Then, the wave of nausea hits me.

Closing my eyes again, I wait for the nausea to pass. I inhale through my nose and let the air out of my mouth, trying to take calming breaths. On my third one, I chance opening my eyes again.

Thankfully, I don’t feel like I’m going to vomit instantly this time. Sitting up, I grunt as I turn to the side and slide my legs over. Placing my feet on the cool, hard floor, I look down and realize that wherever I am, it’s somewhere in the club.

When I stand, my head spins, and my ass lands back down on the bed. Closing my eyes again, I wrap my fingers around the back of my neck and massage it slowly. Fuck me, the tension in my neck, the way my stomach twists.

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