“Dad paid for Cody’s school. Residency. Everything.” His mouth twisted. It looked like a smile, but it was missing any humor. “Dad always paid—it was his thing. That’s why none of his exes have ever set his building on fire. But I digress. Joe had to stay with us and go to school in the city like me. When he got old enough, he flew to see his mom as many weekends as he could, but it was hard. I know he resented that my mom lived around the block, but he didn’t like coming to my mom’s with me either. He often… floated. I know I shouldn’t complain about this?—”
“It’s grueling.” I reminded him of the word.
“Yes. Very grueling.”
“I know you love Joe. I think he loves you too. But neither of you say it, and you’re both bad at showing it. You try to dictate his life and he antagonizes you.”
Chase sighed, but he seemed to take that in. It wasn’t really my place to give him instruction on this—he hadn’t asked—and I was hardly the poster child for perfect family relationships because I’d been putting off visiting mine for years. But it hurt to watch Chase try to show his brother love with the worst demonstration possible, instead of just saying the words. Chase had such a huge heart, but he always tried to trade favors for it instead of just… giving it. I don’t know why he thought being loved by him wasn’t enough. There wasn’t any need to sweeten the deal. It was already a boon.
“Your dad really messed you up. I know everyone’s parents kind of mess them up, but this is something else. I feel for you. And even for Gerry.”
His body, so relaxed before, tensed.
“I don’t,” he said shortly.
It was hard, but I let the silence sit. The hardest part of messing up with someone you cared about was letting things marinate when you wanted to talk, to explain, to apologize. But right now, it was almost as if I had some kind of sixth sense that was telling me that shutting up was the thing I needed to do.
“How did you meet him?” Chase asked eventually.
“Gerard—Gerry—saw my flyer at his club and thought I looked like Teddy. He came to my performance and it was clear my career was tanking, so he used that as leverage to get me to… well, you know.”
“He took advantage of the situation. Of you.” Chase tensed as if he meant to get up and turn a medium problem into a massive one.
I put a hand on his chest. “No, I did it willingly.”
“It’s not willing if you don’t have any other options.”
“Well.Yeah, Chase. That’s the whole thing.”
He flinched, and then went quiet. It took an eternity, but he finally asked the question that anyone who wasn’t him would have asked much, much sooner.
“How much money did you need from Gerry?”
“You have to understand, I was out of time. Dad was going to lose Levitate. It’s not just his business, it’s his life. There was rent and suppliers’ expenses, and insurance too.Sweet Dolly, the insurance. There’s nothing wrong with the business, it’s a great café, but Dad got pneumonia last year, and we had to close for a while. I was—” I cleared my throat, the guilt eating me alive. “I had auditions lined up and Mike couldn’t keep the place going all on his own.”
“Just tell me how much.”
I played with the covers. “It wasn’t the bills. It was the interest on the aggregated loan.”
“Caroline.”
“Your stepbrother gave me fifty thousand dollars.”
Chase was silent for two minutes. I counted.
As the silence stretched, I wondered if he was going to flip out on me, or have his stepbrother arrested. Maybe he thought fifty thousand was too much to pay, or maybe he thought I’d sold myself short.
“I’m sorry,” he said, and that was it. He wrapped an arm around my shoulders and tugged me close, dropping a kiss on my head. I snuggled back on his chest, my face rising and falling with each breath he took. “We’ll fix it.”
We. Hilarious.
I changed the subject. “Your mom is here now, in Toronto, right? Sonya said she was.”
I felt him nod. “She moved back a few years ago. She always wanted to come back.” Then he sighed deeply. “My mom is very traditional. She never expected the divorce. After Dad bought her the town house a few blocks down, she pretended everything was the same. She’s never dated anyone else, never acknowledgedany of Dad’s other wives. Never really acknowledged Joe.”
“Yeesh.”
“Yeah. Yeesh.”