Page 25 of Eye Candy

Could I?

With this—yes.

“All yours,” I replied, patting Chase on the shoulder.

I turned on my heel and didn’t look back.

CHASE

I didn’t havethe right word for the feeling that had come over me in response to the murder mystery host’s provocation.

Maybe it wasn’t in my vocabulary.

The teenagers who played at the games shop I financed, Roll for It, were always using words I’d never heard. I liked to think of myself as a cool big brother to them all, but after turning thirty-four, a few of the Rollers started to do things like shift tables to give me the best seat or take my laptop off me to make it run faster. Which was offensive, but videos did load better now.

Out on the curb, I watched the murder mystery host get into the cab I was paying for—it seemed the right thing to do since he was now unemployed—and I wondered if my reaction was what Alex, one of the Rollers, would have calledBig Mad.

I’d kept my word to the actor—I hadn’t mentioned her when I’d called the host’s employer for a quick chat about my lawyer’s enthusiasm for harassment cases, to ensure the monsieur would be dropped from the company. But I had to keep reminding myself he’d been inappropriate twice in a row and that each instance was equally deplorable, not just when it was my scammer on the receiving end.

Myscammer.

Joe would have a field day with that—when he finally got here. Thus far, he was a no-show and avoiding my calls.

I took my time lingering on the sidewalk, willing the Big Mad away before I had to go back inside and have an overdue conversation with Anna.

I couldn’t stop thinking about the host’s contrition when he thought the woman impersonating Teddy had a boyfriend or husband. His apology took the respect one human being owedanother and redistributed it to the closest man. I’d blogged about this symptom of patriarchy before—The Moral Fix“Letter 131: I Tell Girls I’m a Feminist Because of My Mom, Isn’t That What They Want to Hear?”

But my first thought when that asshole had stepped too close to Teddy’s impersonator hadn’t been the insidiousness of patriarchy, or my duty as a man to call other men out (or in).

It was simply:Mine, fuck off.

Did lust make a hypocrite of every feminist ally or just me?

I let out a long exhale.

When I was confident I could appear calm—or as calm as was possible at a social event with thirty bodies—I went back inside to find Anna.

CHAPTER 12

CAROLINE

Alone in the bathroom,I wet a paper towel under the tap and dabbed my forehead, then shook out my arms and wrists as if I could throw off the grateful feeling that had sunk under my skin and curled around my bones.

I didn’t want to be grateful. When it came to cis men, we were so starved of decency it was easy to be grateful for the bare minimum. Anyone should have done as Chase had, defending the performer just as heartily as the heiress.

But hardly anyone would have.

I’d been in that actor’s shoes so many times, and it was rare for someone to stick their neck out for me, and rarer still for them to expect nothing in return or back down if I asked them to.

In return for Chase’s kindness, I was flirting with the subtlety of an anvil and bringing his family name into disrepute.

I was no ethicist, but even I knew that crushing on men you’d been hired to bedevil was a moral no-no. There might be a textbook term for this kind of duplicity—Chase would know—but Iknew what I’d call it if I saw anyone else in these borrowed Louboutins: being a shady bitch.

Gratitude ebbed and guilt took its place. I wanted to run out onto the street and scream. But I couldn’t. So, I did what I always did whenever I was worried, scared, or upset.

I messaged my little brother.

If you were trying to bamboozle a guy (long story) but then he did something baseline decent and you felt bad about it… would you abandon mission?

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