Page 22 of In the Arms of a Hero

“Feelings can develop quickly—true feelings. Just because you’ve only started a relationship doesn’t mean that what you felt wasn’t real.”

A noise at the back door caused them to look up as Andy walked in, his grin wide. “Hey! I have today off and thought I’d come by. I didn’t know you’d be here, too, Aaron.” It only took another few seconds of silence for Andy’s smile to drop. “Oh fuck, it seems I came at a bad time. I’ll just go and?—”

“No, come on in,” Aaron suggested. “I’m just talking about how Belinda and I broke up.”

Andy’s expression held confusion, and his shoulders slumped. “Damn…” he cursed in a whisper.

“Sit down, son,” their dad invited. “I’ll get a cup of coffee for you while Aaron catches you up.”

It only took a moment to give Andy the information he’d told his dad. Once they were all at the table with their warm cups in front of them, Aaron continued.

“Andy and I had a conversation on the back deck at Thanksgiving. He asked me if she was just the next seasonal girlfriend that I brought around to a family event. His comment pissed me off, but as he talked, I realized he was right. It was true that I tended to date someone just long enough for others to meet her, and then I would always break it off.” He sighed heavily, then continued. “Belinda was in the powder room and overheard us.”

“Oh shit,” Andy groaned, leaning back in his seat. “I never should have said anything!”

His dad’s eyes widened as he gasped. “Oh, I hate that Belinda overheard that. Not that you boys shouldn’t have those kinds of heartfelt conversations. I’ve always been glad you were close. But I can see where that would’ve hurt her. Like Andy, I could tell she was very much into you. And I confess, I saw more from you toward her than any other woman I’ve ever seen you date.”

Silence filled their conversation as they sipped their coffee, each dealing with the ramifications of what had happened. Sally made a great cup of coffee, but it was nothing like the feeling he got sipping from a cup that Belinda had filled for him.

“I guess, son, what I’m not sure of is, if she’s worth it, why don’t you fight for her? Prove to her that you’re interested in seeing where the relationship can go?”

“Because maybe I’m unsure. I’ve never actually had these feelings for anybody before her. What if my heart gets more involved, and she realizes I’m not worth it.”

A look of understanding passed through his dad’s eyes as he held Aaron’s gaze. “I see. You want to let it go before your feelings get too tangled in her. Essentially, you’re running away so that you don’t possibly get hurt down the road.”

Aaron knew his dad’s words were the truth, but it didn’t make them hurt any less. He looked over at Andy, knowing his brother had similar difficulties when he started dating Ivy. Turning his attention back to their dad, he asked a question he’d often wondered. “Dad, why did she leave?”

His father didn’t ask who Aaron was referring to. He simply sighed heavily, and a look of pain moved over his face as he first looked at Andy and then turned his focus to Aaron.

“I married a woman I fell in love with, swept up in the fervor of youth. We didn’t realize what life could hand to us. But I meant my vows—for better and for worse. I didn’t realize that the woman I’d married didn’t have the maternal instinct, thefortitude, and the guts to stick things out when they got hard. For her, the vows were only for the better.”

Aaron was born prematurely and was in and out of hospitals for the first year of his life. He then trailed his peers in development milestones for a few more years. He had struggled in elementary school, particularly with reading, but with the devotion of his dad and Sally and some excellent teachers, he was mostly caught up by the time he was in middle school. Andy had always been his hero, watching out for Aaron and making sure no one bullied him for being behind. Aaron hated having to struggle, sometimes covering with swaggering bravado.

By the time he was two years old, his mom had packed her bags and left, becoming a phantom figure absent from his memories. Sally had slid naturally into the maternal role, making sure he had extra help with his homework, had good food to eat, and watched over him until his dad got home from work. She was a nurturing caregiver to all the Bergstrom men.

Andy was angry whenever someone mentioned their mom, at times lashing out. For Aaron, it was hard to miss what he couldn’t remember having. But he carried guilt deep inside that she had abandoned the entire family just because she couldn’t handle caring for all his special needs.

“You’re talking about me. Let’s face it, Dad, she left because of me.”

Jerking, his dad vehemently shook his head. “Boy, she didn’t leave because of you! She left because of her!”

“I don’t understand what you mean. What’s the difference? She left because she couldn’t deal with what was going on with me.”

“Your mother wanted things easy. She wanted things fun. I didn’t realize that early enough. Now, the one thing she gave me before she left and called it quits on our marriage was two wonderful sons. I can’t imagine my life without you two in it. Butshe didn’t like dirty diapers, and she didn’t like crying babies, and she didn’t like demanding toddlers. And believe me, those issues started before you were born. And he’s probably never told you, but Andy can remember times when she would walk out and go shopping after calling Sally to come over and look after him.”

Aaron jerked, having never realized their mom had already been frustrated with life before he was born. Taking in this new information, he waited to hear what else his dad had to say.

“Hell, it started even before we had kids. Money was tight, and she didn’t like it. And she had no problem letting me know about it. Sometimes I felt like a failure as a husband, but then she’d come around and be sweet again, and I thought things would be okay. But she changed after she became a mother. I wasn’t sure we should have another child, but by the time Andy was four, she had it in her mind that she could handle having another baby. I always thought children were blessings from God, so I was on board.”

“Yes, but good things got tough when I came along, didn’t they?”

“They may have gotten tough, son, but that wasn’t on you. Hell, all life is tough. And I never once considered it to be a burden. Your mom had it in her mind that the second time around would be more fun, and she just couldn’t understand that being a wife and a mother wasn’t all fun. So she walked out, but not because of you. She walked out because of her. Because she lacked what she needed to be a good mother. I never made demands of her other than not to be neglectful or abusive to our children. She might not have been abusive, but she sure as hell was neglectful. To be honest, when she walked out and left, I felt relief.”

“Relief?”

“Yeah. I wanted to raise my sons so they knew down to their very bones that they were valued, worthy, and loved. That wouldn’t have happened if she’d stayed. After she’d been gone for a few years, I contacted an attorney and filed for divorce.”

“Youfiled for divorce? I always figured it was her.”

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