Page 32 of Fate Forever and Always

“I can't just do this to have fun, Callie. If we do this, I want you to want it for real. I want you to want me.”

She walked closer to me as her eyes traveled up my body, her eyes landing on mine.

“What if I did want you?” she whispered.

My heart began racing, and I felt the desire rushing through me. “Callie,” I pushed her hair behind her ear and away from her face. “Don’t say that unless you mean it. We can come back from a few drunk kisses and stay friends, no big deal, but if we do something more,” I paused. “Sweets, if you say you want me, you are mine forever.” I grabbed her face so my hands were cupping her cheeks. “I’ve been waiting too long to make you mine, and I will not fuck this up by just fucking around with you… you mean too much to me.”

She stepped back a little. “You meant it?” I gave her a curious look, and she continued. “You actually meant what you said outside?” Then she repeated what I said, “‘But for me, it's always been her.’” She just kept staring at me. “You meant that?”

I couldn’t tell if she was asking me or telling me, so I just nodded.

“Nick, we can't date,” she said.

My heart instantly sank, but I didn’t want her to notice and feel guilty, so I leaned forward, kissed her forehead, and then moved away. I spoke as I was facing away from her.

“That’s why we can't do this, Sweets. I will wait until that changes.”

“But—”

I changed the subject because I didn’t want her to feel guilty or cry. Seeing her cry breaks me every time.

“I'm heading into the shower. Do you need to get in there before I do?” I stopped and turned slightly to get her response.

She sat on the bed and shook her head. I continued into the bathroom without another word. I closed the door and let out a loud, suppressed sigh. That rejection fucking hurt, but I knew I’d done the right thing.

CALLIE

When Nick was done with his shower, I walked by him and into the bathroom without even acknowledging him. I was mortified. When I shut the door, I leaned against it and heard him putting his forehead against the other side.

“I’m sorry, Callie,”

I swallowed my pride and tried to sound as normal as possible. “Nick, it's totally fine. I'm sorry I came onto you like that.”

I heard him whisper, “I'm not.” Followed by the shuffling of him backing away from the door a bit. “I’m going to sleep, but I’ll leave the light on for you. Wake me up if you need anything, okay?”

“Yeah, for sure,” I answered.

When I looked at myself in the mirror, I saw how much of a mess I was. My makeup was smeared, my skin beyond flushed, and I looked way too sweaty. The only nice thing left about me was the color of my eyes. I guess I'm lucky that is one thing that doesn’t change. With how I look, it’s no wonder he turned me down.

After getting in the shower, I just stood there, letting the warm water flow over me. It felt so good. I rubbed my hands down my body, and my mind started to wander.

I can’t date Nick…right? What if I could? Is it too soon? I know I've only been single for about two months, but I've known Nick forever.

My mind went through about twenty other questions. I started replaying his sweet words in my head. My mind wandered to his touch on my skin, his mouth on mine. It was getting a little too hot, and I had to sit down. I ran myself a bath to relax away all this stress.

My hands traveled to where I needed them most. I looked up, realizing there was a detachable showerhead. I reached over and grabbed my phone to play some music to drown out some of the sounds I was about to make. I tried my best to hold the moans in, but I was definitely not being quiet by any means. “Fuck…Nick,” I moaned. I tried to muffle my sounds with my other hand, but a few seconds later, Nick gently knocked on the door, jolting me from my thoughts.

“Cal, did you call for me?”

I sat up abruptly, making the water slosh everywhere. “NO! I’m fine, go away, I mean goodnight. Sorry, I will turn the music down. Must have been that.” I heard him chuckle and mumble something, but I couldn’t hear what he actually said.

He fucking heard me. Now I just wanted to die. My body dipped under the water up to my ears like I used to do as a child to drown out the noise of my parents fighting. Tears filled my eyes once again. I wasn't sure if I was crying because I was alone and embarrassed or because I was thinking about my mom and dad together. One thing I do know is that I'm stuck here until Nick falls asleep. I cannot face him right now. I need time to get this crying under control and get over this embarrassment.

After about twenty minutes, I heard the T.V. click off. I knew he would knock out soon after that, so I stood and took an actual shower to wash the day away. I never understood how people could sit in their own filth and then not wash off afterward.

I don’t know what happened between Nick and me tonight, but I know that things are changing, and I think…I think I kind of want them to.

Chapter twelve

---