Page 42 of Rinkmates

He cries harder at this, his sobs wracking his body. Without a second thought, I reach up to hug him tightly and he clings back, holding on.

Time seems to stretch as we stay locked in that embrace, the music around us fading into the background. His crying gradually softens into quiet sniffles, and finally, he sighs—a deep, heavy sigh that carries the weight of his own baggage.

“I’m so sorry,” he whispers, wiping away the tears in his eyes as he smiles nervously.

“Don’t be,” I say. “We hurt ourselves when we keep it in.”

“You must think I’m a joke.”

“No, of course not.”

He lets out a desperate laugh, his head falling back to rest against the wall.

It’s the first time I truly see his face. His brown eyes are rimmed with red. In that fleeting instant our gazes lock and I feel the weight of my unspoken struggles pressing against my own heart. “Never feel sorry for showing how you feel, Aiden. Not with me.”

“But what if I feel like dying inside.” He lets out a desperate laugh.

Without a moment’s hesitation, I reach out and gently clasp his. “Then I’ll tell you that I’ve been there too. I know we don’t know each other well, but I’m here for you, Aiden. If you want to talk. I’m here.”

“I don’t know what I’m doing.” He lets out a long, long sigh. “I’m trying to get more known through this show and get better deals for acting…I feel like, I’m just not good enough.”

“You were amazing out there. The audience will love you.”

“Not me. The idea of me.”

I pause, uncertain of what to say next. “Aiden?” I finally muster, my voice tentative. “What is this about?”

He takes a shaky breath, and to my surprise, he starts to speak. “You can’t tell this to anyone.”

There’s a knot inside me. Why would I push him into telling me anything? I can’t tell him about the contract with Riley or my past. I don’t have the right to ask him about anything. “Aiden, I’m sorry. You don’t have to tell—”

“Ah, you know. Never mind. I can ignore it. Get going again…” His voice trails off, and he takes another deep breath and I feel bad.

“No. Aiden, please. If you want to tell me, please do. I won’t tell anyone. I just don’t want you to feel pressured to talk, but I’m here to listen. You matter to me, Aiden.”

“I don’t want to be here all whiny, I totally understand if you’d like to get back to training…”

“We have enough time. I’d love to hear your story.”

He looks up, his eyes welling with unshed tears. “I’m famous for my shirtless videos, I’m just a body to most people on Instagram, and a few pictures on Pinterest made me famous because an author used my profile pic for one of her characters. I’ve become a popular male model ever since, and I landed an acting deal for a new TV series, it’s promised to be a huge hit.”

I remain silent.

He takes a moment, as if reliving something painful. “But then the casting director saw my phone screen. It was me, kissing my ex.”

He pauses, expecting me to understand, but I’m at a loss. “And that idiot got jealous because you’re a catch?” I try, but he doesn’t smile.

His expression, caught between a crooked smile and a sob, tugs at my heartstrings. “What did he say, Aiden?”

“I kissed a man. He wasn’t jealous, he realized I’m gay. He told me to get rid of my boyfriend and that there was no career in this show for a gay actor. I was just a body for girls to obsessover. My role was never intended to be more than showing off my abs.”

It’s like something kicks me in the stomach. “But this can’t be. It’s the twenty-first century, we’re working toward—”

“Well, showbiz is still a shitshow. We may have Pride Month, rainbow flags, and emojis, but there are still plenty of assholes out there treating us like shit. You might have a sense of how it is in the sports world—how people reacted when a famous soccer player came out. I don’t want to sugarcoat it; it’s still hard to come out in the spotlight. It might be easier, but it depends on who you want to work with in the industry. I’m a nobody when it comes to acting, so building a career as a gay actor from scratch isn’t exactly easy.”

I nod. People can be terrible. I want to believe in a better world, but all the things that have happened to me—and now Aiden’s story—remind me again that despite living in a modern world, despite wishing that we are able to change, some people just haven’t learned from our past. And I wish they would. I wish people would learn and grow together. But some never will and even though I knew this all along, it’s just a thought I don’t like. It’s reality and it makes me feel nauseous.

“And you still want to work with those guys?”

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