Page 115 of Rinkmates

“Try me.”

“I’m afraid.”

“Of what?”

She sinks down to me, and my hands glide up her thighs to her back until I have her shoulders firmly in my grasp. She leans into me, and I’m on the verge of fucking begging her to finally let me in, just a tiny bit. “Of what, Liora?” I whisper again, gentlypushing her blonde locks behind her shoulders to reveal her beautiful face.

“Of you telling me I’m too much. Of you leaving. Of you giving me hope that I can have it all and crush it once you know the truth about me.”

I kiss her cheek. “I know words alone won’t convince you because I need to show you. But this will take time. No matter how hard you push, I’ll keep coming back. I’ve never felt as stable as I do with you. The way you make me feel, Liora, it’s all I need, and I’m dying to give it back to you.”

She cries and I hug her tighter. “How about we try baby steps? I want to prove myself to you.”

She falls around my neck, and I gently cup the back of her head, my fingers threading through her hair. I’m so glad I’m not the stupid idiot I was years ago. Past Riley wouldn’t have run after Liora. His ego was too big for that. But this is about her finding a way out of this dark tunnel she’s in.

“My coach,” she starts, and I sigh in relief that she’s willing to let me in a step, “and I had a relationship.”

She looks up at me, as if that’s enough for me to judge her but I nod, showing her that I don’t care about which men she loved before me. I’m careful to not let any emotions show.

“Sandy was everything to me. He found me in Hungary when I won the championships. He visited Europe that year, scouting here and there, and he saw me and got my family to America, and in no time, I was an American citizen with an American passport, working all day every day to get into the Olympics. When I won gold in South Korea, I was only fifteen and that’s when I fell for him. He was twenty-five.”

My stomach drops.

“There wasn’t anything happening until I turned eighteen, but he did flirt with me. He groomed me. I didn’t realize thatback then, but I always found him attractive. I had such a crush on him. It’s embarrassing just thinking about it now.”

She swallows and I can tell it’s hard for her to tell me. The shame in her eyes is so visible, and I want nothing more than to ease it for her. But for now, I can only listen closely to whatever she chooses to share. She’s started opening up, and that’s all I need. Her trust is a crucial step, and I’ll cherish every bit she’s willing to give.

“I didn’t go to school. My only friends were my mother and Sandy. He wouldn’t let me have any other friends because our sole focus was winning every championship. I spoke to other skaters, but I always saw them as rivals. Sandy became the center of my world. I never told my mom that I had these daydreams about my coach, how my thoughts would always drift to him in a way that felt more than just a crush for years.”

“And your father?”

“There’s not much about him. He was an ass. I guess I was looking for some fatherly approval, and I got it from Sandy. I desperately wanted to be his perfect girl and wanted to believe so desperately that his wife wasn’t good to him. I painted her as the villain, even though I was trying to steal her man. I still feel so bad, Riley. I was the worst.”

There’s another tear running down her cheek and I can’t forget that sight of her before me. It feels so raw. With the beach behind her, her kneeling in the sand, in this light dress, the moon reflecting on her hair.

“You’re not the worst,” I say, kissing her cheek. “You were a kid.”

Amid her tears, she lets out a hiccupping sob, her breaths coming in uneven, staccato bursts now. This is breaking my heart. “I started to wear makeup even to rehearsals, I got so jealous of his wife, his kids. I did everything that he wantedme to, and I grew up. I wasn’t his little girl anymore. I feel so stupid…”

“Don’t,” I say, “really, don’t.”

“No. I was stupid.” She glances at her fingers, kneading them.

I shake my head. “Lia, you idealized him and probably mistook your own feelings.”

“I think I wanted a father, but mine was treating my mom so badly that I dreamed of killing him. I cherished the moments we weren’t at home. When Mom, Sandy, and I drove through the states, heading to championships. I loved spending all hours of the day on the rink, trying to be perfect for Sandy. For that smile of his. For a hug, later for a kiss on my cheek, or on my forehead, and then on my mouth.”

She avoids my gaze, and though the darkness is thick and only the moonlight illuminates her face, I can still see the flush of shame on her cheeks, and it cuts me deeply. I gently cradle her chin between my thumb and forefinger, guiding her to look at me. When our eyes finally meet, the pain in her eyes shatters me. She gazes at me with the fearful expectation that I might walk away simply because she had an affair with her former coach.

“It’s okay,” I say.

“I feel so bad,” she says, her voice barely a whisper.

“Don’t. It’s okay, Lia. It’s normal for teenagers to fall hard for someone. It happens, even if it shouldn’t.”

She shakes her head. “Once I turned eighteen, it was the year before Beijing. My second Olympics. I had the best sponsors, everyone was counting on me, and I was head over heels for Sandy. Our affair started some weeks after my birthday. He was the first man who ever touched me, the first man to have sex with me, and I was so in love—or I think I was—but it was one sided, because after training, after he called me his perfect girl on the rink and behind the lockers, he went home to his wife.He never said he’d leave her, never told me he loved me, but I wanted to believe it. I wanted it so bad, Riley.”

That’s when a tear escapes and trails down her cheek, and I catch it with my thumb. I press a gentle kiss to her temple and pull her closer, holding her tightly. She nestles against me, her breath warm and soothing against my neck.

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