Page 45 of Shadows in Bloom

“But if it came to it and you had to choose?”

She turned her attention back to me, a shadow over her face. “If it came to it, I would choose my duty, and proudly. I would learn to live with the choice.”

Chapter 22

Itossed and turned in my sleep, sweat beading at my neck and back as I wrestled with the small, scratchy blanket. The nightmares kept overtaking me each time I closed my eyes, but the exhaustion was making it impossible to remain fully conscious. I was unable to resist it any longer.

“I will NOT listen to you any longer!” I shouted, raising the bowl and slamming it back down onto the stone floor. The clay shattered into pieces and scattered across the floor. A few shards pierced into my skin, sending beads of blood trickling down my legs. Ignoring the pain, I stood.

Kyra, the woman who had accompanied me to meet the priestess Nissia, stepped forward amongst the destruction. “Nairu, you cannot turn away from your fate. We need you!”

“You cannot continually keep me in the dark and expect my unfaltering devotion.” I pointed a shaky hand at Kyra. “You will tell me what is happening to meor I will walk out of that door and never return. I have given you everything!”

“Nairu. Please,” she implored, seizing my hand before I had the chance to forcefully pull it away. “If I say too much, it could happen all at once. It could kill you. Your body won’t be able to handle the sheer force of it.” She dropped her voice to a whisper. “If you do survive… he will take you.”

Nissia stepped between Kyra and me, shoving us apart. “I will take it from here, Keeper. You have fulfilled your duty. Now, return to your people and inform them you have entrusted the vessel to my care.”

Every muscle in my body ached, but I used the last ounce of energy I had to summon my power. Shadowy wisps of magic circled my hands, poised in front of me. I would not let Nissia separate Kyra and I. Kyra was the only chance I had in deciphering what was going on with me.

“You threaten me?” Nissia laughed, a wicked laugh that gave way to an even more sinister smile. “You are nothing—no one—without him!” She stared into my eyes with piercing ferocity. “You dare turn his power toward me? You forget your place. Let me remind you how very replaceable you are.”

Kyra stepped in front of me, a protective hand holding me back. “You will not harm her.”

“This one is a failure. She rejects her blessed fate. He cannot do what must be done with her in this state. We will try again.”

Nissia blurred from existence in a cloud of darkness. The only indication of her reappearance was the feeling of her breath on the backof my neck. “Do not forget what happens when you abandon your fate.”

Before I could turn around and defend myself, I felt Nissia’s blade plunge deep into the base of my spine. The agony was instantaneous, and I fell to my knees as tears burned the corners of my eyes. When my knees gave out seconds later, I crashed to my stomach and began to pull myself with my arms in a futile attempt to get away from her. The clash of metal reached my ears from behind. Kyra defending me.

As I dragged myself, the shattered pieces of the clay bowl cut through my skin and dug into my arms. The fresh cuts were distracting from the wound in my back, which had since gone numb from blinding pain. The door was incredibly near. If I managed to push it open, even slightly, I would have the ability to cry out for aid, but my vision was fading rapidly into splotchy patches of white. It was as though no matter how deeply I breathed, I could not take in enough air to fill my lungs. Everything ached. Everything.

My eyes flicked open, and I took an impossibly deep breath until I felt my lungs would burst from the pressure. The nightmare had seemed so real, I’d thought I was suffocating when I roused. I instinctively sat up and reached for my back, searching for an invisible wound. There was nothing there, not even a scar. It hadn’t been real. A nightmare. Nothing more.

I knew my hope of getting rest was slim to none. I forced myself to remain nestled in the bedroll, staring up at the sky as it shifted from the black of night to thewarm orange of sunrise, all the while replaying the scene of the nightmare in my head. Exhaustion overwhelmed me, making it difficult to comprehend all the words that had been said, but I knew I needed to speak with Alandris. Someone needed to be made aware of the nightmares I had been having, and he was the only person I trusted.

I was a jumble of nervous energy the entire time we walked toward our destination. If the land hadn’t been so flat, I likely would’ve been stumbling all over the place. I couldn’t focus. Relief washed over me when we finally stopped to make camp for the evening, and Alandris and I were given the responsibility of foraging on our own. I was practically dragging him away from the campsite by the time the others had left for their own tasks.

Once we were a decent way out, and I was convinced no one would be close enough to perceive our whispers, I came to a sudden stop. Alandris barreled into me, gripping my shoulders to steady himself just in time before he’d send us tumbling to the ground.

“Did something happen, Nairu?” He scanned me up and down as though looking for wounds. Appearing satisfied with the results of his investigation, the worry on his face lessened.

“First, let me ask you this. Would it be possible for me to be as old as Lyandril claims? I am human.”

“If we were wrong, and you were an Elf, Faeling, Fae, or some other immortal creature, yes. Even if you were only half-blooded, it would be possible.” He brought a finger to his jaw. “You remember your childhood, though, do you not? A childhood with Kallistra, who we believe to be human.”

“Yes, I should only be twenty-five, but what if I was confused about that? Is it possible to explain away a gap in my memories or attribute it to something else? If I were an immortal, would I still look like this? Young.”

“Immortal creatures do not age beyond a certain point of adulthood. At least the ones I’ve listed. Zorinna and I are over two hundred years old, though we stopped physically aging around your current age—well, what I previously assumed to be your age, since according to Lyandril you are a nearly four-hundred-year-old crone.”

Alandris’ playful jab hadn’t registered as my mouth dropped in realization. I don’t know why I hadn’t considered the differences in our lifespans. It was common from what I’d understood. Even amongst my own people—relationships between mortal and immortal beings were frequent. If I were human, as I’d always believed myself to be, then I was a mere flicker in the eternity that would be Alandris’ life.

“I will die… You will live forever, and I will die,” I mumbled, lost in my thoughts. Too caught up in the enjoyment of his company, I hadn’t realized that our futures could never truly align. I didn’t know if I had it in me to grow old and die while the one person I’d ever felt something for carried on forevermore without me. Would it not be more… merciful, to stop whatever this was between us now before we were too deep?

“Well, yes, it may be better that you are an immortal crone, after all.”

I clenched my teeth. “You think this amusing?”

The smile fell from his face. “I am sorry, Nairu. I—That was a poor joke.” He reached out to cup my face in his hands. “I intend to ask Amorphael for a favor of my own when we return with her flower. I will ask her to grant you immortality.”

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