Page 42 of Shadows in Bloom

“No, he is wrong about you.”

“Alandris…”

“I should have told you the truth about Lyandril.” He clenched his teeth. “I thought it would be better if I got more information first. It is not that I didn’t trust you… we are far beyond that, but Lyandril, he—he has been a mentor to me for many years. To disobey his authority would be more than refusing the Grand Arch Magus of the Consortium, someone with a wealth of knowledge about the magical community. It would be disloyalty to someone dear to me. I intended to respond to him, to refute his claim as soon as I possessed the evidence to disprove it in a way that would be undeniable.”

He moved his hand to the back of my neck, staring me right in the eyes in a way that made me still completely. “I would never hurt you. Never. It is irrelevant to me what he or anyone else believes about you, because I am aware of your true self, Nairu. I know your soul, and it is beautiful and kind. I have known it from the day we met, and you have proven me correct in every moment since.”

What little space remained between us, I closed, pressing my forehead to his. I was keenly aware that allowing myself to get closer to him in this moment would erase the small amount of willpower I had left to avoid him entirely. “I want to find the truth of what I am,” I whispered.

Alandris sucked in a breath. “I will help you find it.”

I smiled, closing my eyes. “Good, because I want you there at my side.”

It made me feel foolish to have doubted him. A reactionary, emotional fool grasping at the first modicum of uncertainty I’dhad and weaving it into a story that would allow me to dismiss the feelings raging in my heart and run. I was unfathomably naïve to believe that I could ever leave him behind. I longed for my freedom, yes, but I couldn’t fathom what that resembled without him. Every time I closed my eyes and pictured the future I longed for, free from burden and responsibility and the invisible shackles dictating my path in life, he was the one thing that was permanent in all of those dreams. The one thing I was unable to let go of.

When I opened my eyes again, he was staring back at me, steely blue irises swimming with raw emotion, words unsaid and implied. His gaze traveled down to my lips and sparked a flame inside me that defied explanation. It was enough to spark a boldness in me to close that remaining gap between us, as I clenched the soft fabric of his shirt in my fists.

His lips on mine were a shock to my system that spread the same fiery sensation from earlier throughout the rest of my body. I hadn’t known it was possible to feel so… right. There was no other word to describe it. I had doubts about believing in fate, but meeting Alandris was undoubtedly my destiny. It was the only thing that could explain the pull I felt toward him.

He ran his hand down the side of my waist, tugging me even nearer to him. I yielded to him, my hands tangling through his long, dark hair. The gentleness of the first touch of our lips had swiftly given way to something more intense and dizzying. My first kiss, with the only person I wanted to share it with. I was clumsy and eager, wanting more and more without knowinghow to take it. Alandris’ patient guidance made up for my inexperience.

I was already addicted, intoxicated by the sensation. It was as though this first kiss was a trap intended to curse us, to devolve us into insatiable beasts who could only find fulfillment in one another. We were a mess of delirious, desperate touches. Two people who had denied themselves for far too long.

The sensation of loss that washed over me when he distanced himself was unmistakable, and I came close to yanking him right back. Then the instinct to breathe kicked in, and I inhaled deeply, my lungs burning. The instinct to think returned to me next—which was when I remembered we were sitting on the forest floor with darkness quickly approaching, and as much as I wanted to remain here in his arms, I did not want to face the creatures of the night. Dying right after discovering how much I enjoyed kissing him would be unfortunate.

“We should get back,” I said halfheartedly.

“Yes, that would be… the wise thing to do.”

Was it wrong to be happy he seemed as disappointed as I was?

Alandris stood first, offering me a hand up. I hopped to my feet and laughed, taking in the sight of him. Wrinkled, dusty clothes, and a mess of tangled hair.

“What?”

I ran my hand through his hair, attempting to smooth out the chaos. “You look rather disheveled.”

“Well, thank you for that.” He smirked. “Though you are no better, love.” He pointed to the hem of my skirt, which was caked with mud, leaves and twigs sticking to the fabric in various places.

Love.The pet name flowed from his lips naturally. Perhaps he thought nothing of it. Perhaps I was overthinking it. I’d never been in love, and I’d never felt like this. Regardless, I didn’t have the time to ponder it over now. That was a puzzle I would agonize over in bed tonight, rather than getting a proper night of sleep in preparation for our departure tomorrow. I’d only just accepted that I wasn’t going to spend the rest of my life avoiding him and pretending that I felt nothing for him. Now that I’d accepted the fact that my feelings weren’t ‘nothing’, I needed to figure out what exactly they were.

I cleared my throat, swatting at my skirt to remove the debris. “We were training. We tripped.”

He quirked a brow. “Both of us?”

“Yes.”

“That’s the story?”

“I will leave the embellishments to you.”

It went without saying that Kallistra could not find out about my recent, and likely permanent, lapse of judgment, because now that I’d kissed him, I didn’t think I believed myself capable of letting him go.

The sky was fully dark when we returned, and our companions were already waiting in the dinner hall. Kaz and Zorinna were seated while Kallistra paced the room, an obvious fit of nervous energy. All of their heads turned to us upon hearing our footsteps as we entered the room.

“What happened?” Kallistra questioned, rushing to my side. “I was just about to go looking for you. You’re supposed to be resting.”

“We were training,” Alandris answered nonchalantly, taking a seat at the dining table. “My apologies for our lateness—we lost track of time. We’ve progressed to battling and things got quite… intense.”

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