Page 37 of Shadows in Bloom

As Talaya grabbed my hand to leave, the Elder on the far right stood. “No. She should bear witness, so she, too, knows the consequences of turning her back on her people. There is nothing more important than the Saintess and her duty.” He looked at Nawel’s parents. “Shame on you both for putting your son’s life before thatof the Saintess. It is a mercy I am allowing you both to live in spite of your clear lack of discipline.”

“Very well. She will watch,” the other Elder agreed.

At twelve years of age, I was forced to watch as they held Newal down on the table, forced to listen as he screamed in terror and his parents cried and continued to plead and beg for their son’s life. I was forced to watch as they dragged the knife down his chest, mercilessly taking their time with his murder, carving into his body as though it were sport. I witnessed the blood of the boy I’d spent half the day with drip down from the wood, pooling onto the floor in a puddle before his parents as their world shattered around them. I watched the life fade from his eyes, finally releasing him from the torture he’d had to endure. Because of me.

The memory faded from my mind, and I opened my eyes, staring up at the ceiling. After what had happened with Nawel, the Elders and Talaya had much less leniency with me. When we’d returned home was the one and only time Talaya had ever laid a hand on me, but she never looked at me the same. It wasn’t Nawel’s death that had made her colder. It was the fact that I’d put myself at risk despite everything I’d been told. A disobedient, imperfect Saintess.

After that, they stripped away almost all the little freedom I had. I spent most hours of the day locked alone in my room. Kallistra was permitted to interact with me, ‘to foster the relationship between Saintess and Keeper’, but even that was closely monitored. Books were the only thing I had to keep me company, so I studied and learnedwhatever I could.

For ten long years, I endured—until the night before my twenty-second birthday. The night I was to be erected as a proper Saintess, in the ceremony marking the beginning of my pilgrimage. A ritualistic tradition, where I was made to stand in the center of our village, before all of my people, in a sheer dress and crown. A shivering statue in the frigid cold, watching as each and every villager, several hundred of them, lined up to offer a single drop of their blood into the bowl at my feet.

Part of me knew, at least now, that it was wrong, horrible, sick—what they had done to me as a child. But it was all I’d ever known. It was only once we’d started the pilgrimage, and I’d gotten to experience some of life outside of our village, that I realized that our way of life wasn’t normal. By then, I believed I experienced a distorted sense of duty—as if I had a debt to my people. They were counting on me to save them, not just the Elders, but innocent people, too.

I took a deep breath and swung my legs over the side of the bed. Kallistra was sleeping soundly on the floor, but Zorinna was nowhere to be found. There would be no more sleep for me tonight, so I followed the path of lit sconces down the stairs until I found Kaz and Zorinna sitting together at the dining table. They were quietly whispering over the map of the Azog Bog, pinpointing different areas of the swamp. They both turned their heads at the sound of my footsteps.

“Can’t sleep?” Kaz asked, patting the seat beside him. “Rin and I were checking out any spots on the map that stood out to us.”

“Rin?” Zorinna clicked her tongue.

“Do you like Zori better?”

“Absolutely not.”

I laughed, trying to keep my voice quiet so as not to wake anyone up. “Thanks, Kaz. I needed cheering up.”

“What’s wrong? You know I hate to see you upset.” Kaz leaned back in his chair, kicking his feet up onto the table. “I’m a good listener, and Rin here is…” He drummed his fingers along his chin.

Zorinna mouthed her favorite swear word at him.

I sighed. “It is… complicated.” I trusted them, but I wasn’t sure how much of my life story I was comfortable sharing. The more people who knew, the more chance it would get back to Kallistra, and I didn’t think she would take kindly to my loose lips. What we were doing and what I was, was meant to be a secret. I’d told Alandris in a moment of foolish vulnerability.

“Well, I won’t press you, Nairu, but whatever it is, I hope you know that we’re here for you, as friends.” Kaz slapped a hand down on my shoulder. “I know I don’t take things too seriously, but that’s the one thing I do. I’ll always have your back. I told you that when we first met, and I’m promising it to you now.”

“Yeah, me too,” Zorinna said, diverting her gaze. A faint blush was visible on her cheeks in the candlelight, and I got the impression that she was as awkward as I was when it came to the concept of friendship. “I’ve got your back.”

They were making it so damn hard to push them away. Every bone in my body was screaming at me to run, but they keptdragging me back. They were light and happiness, and companionship that I hadn’t felt in so long, possibly ever, and I was so utterly afraid of losing them. Every time I managed to convince myself that I didn’t care about them, that I wasn’t already in too deep, they would reappear and I would lose my will to fight against it.

“For a long time, I thought I didn’t need friends.” I looked down at my hands. “I was wrong about that, and a lot of things… I am not very good at this, but I will do my best to be there for you, too. I hope you’ll bear with me while I figure it out.” I forced myself to look at the two of them, to give as much of a smile as I could manage while holding back my tears.

Kaz jumped up from his spot and lifted me from my chair in a bear hug so tight I thought my bones were going to shatter. With his height, my feet were dangling off the ground, my body limp against him. I weakly slapped the top of his arm, hoping he would recognize that I was struggling to breathe.

He finally released me, and I took the deepest breath possible.

“Sorry.” He winced at the look of my skin before grinning. “But I felt like you needed it.”

I took another moment to breathe before bursting into laughter. Kaz joined in immediately, and even Zorinna allowed herself a moment of joyful amusement.

Friends.My friends.

Chapter 18

My peaceful recovery did not last long.

“How long have these marks been appearing on your body?” Kallistra sat on the edge of the bed, poking and prodding at my skin until I yanked my arm back.

Kaz and Zorinna had left moments ago to fulfill their part of Theomund’s deal for letting us stay here. Alandris had left with them, supposedly to get some fresh air, though they’d warned him he was not to venture off the property or they would ‘tie him down to a chair’. That left Kallistra and me alone, at least until Kaz and Zorinna noticed her absence and wrangled her to come pull her weight in the fields.

“Since…”Honesty? Or a lie?“Since I’ve started training my magic with Alandris.” Honesty, it was.

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