Alandris leaned over me, squinting at the shrooms. “You mean to tell me the perfectly normal-looking, boring brown mushrooms were deadly, and these creepy, bright ones are safe to consume?”
I shrugged, holding in my laughter. “Nature is strange sometimes.”
We both dropped to our knees, gathering the milkshrooms, which were growing across the bottom of a rotted tree. There were enough that we could grab several handfuls, but we needed to take our time extracting them, as even the stems were edible. No such thing as being wasteful when you didn’t know how much food you’d have for the night. These could potentially be our only meal if Kallistra, Zorinna, and Kaz were unsuccessful.
“Where did you learn all of this?” Alandris questioned as his hands dug through the withering wood.
“It was part of my training to undertake the pilgrimage. My village expected Kallistra and me to spend most of our time on the road away from society, so they spent a lot of time teaching us survival skills. As my Keeper, she focused on the hunting and killing bit, and I focused on the… less violent things. Books kept me company.”
Alandris paused, turning toward me. “Why wouldn’t they teach you how to use your magic?”
“I wonder—I don’t think they knew how.” A pained smile made its way to my face. That, or more likely, they were afraid to get too close. To do something wrong and face the consequences of the Elders.
I didn’t want to think of them. The people—my people—who treated me as both a Saintess and a fragile little bird. Few would speak to me, fewer would touch me, and no one would treat me as a friend. Of course, no one would teach me to control my magic. Who would dare get so close to someone like me? Kallistra and her family were all I had, and teaching me magic wasn’t their role to play.
His hand reached out to cup the side of my face, so warm and delicate, I gasped.
“Nairu… please don’t make such a face.” Alandris’ eyes were on mine, such an intense icy blue, I was overcome with the need to hold my breath. “They were wrong. The only thing they should worry over is who you will become without them.”
“A faithless heretic.” The words left my lips in a whisper.
“Someone who doesn’t need them.”
All of my efforts to not be captivated by this male seemed in vain. The flutters of emotion that had appeared that night in the library, which I had so carefully shoved back into my heart under heavy lock and key, were pounding at the door to be let out. That door was struggling not to burst on its own, and each time he touched me, it was like an ax slamming straight downonto the hinges. It was torture. He was obliterating my will to stay away from him.
Alandris did not relent. If he had any indication of his effect on me, he made no mention of it. He did not drop his gaze. He didn’t move. “There is nothing wrong with you. Nothing.”
For a moment, it was just the two of us, and that raw energy buzzing between us. There was silence, save for the humming of insects, the rushing of river water, and the drumming of my heart. Yet he pulled back in the next moment, shattering that peace, taking with him the warmth of his touch. The temperature was rising as we continued south, but I’d never felt colder than when his hand left my cheek.
He stood and turned his back to me. “I believe we got them all. We should head back. The sun has nearly set.”
“R-right.” I stood from my spot on the ground, brushing the dirt from my leathers and cloak.
I followed behind him in silence toward our main camp. All the while, I was considering how I could avoid someone I was spending nearly every waking, and non-waking, moment with. The more I saw him, the more I realized how much I looked forward to it. The more I realized how much he’d changed me. To be stronger. Braver. Though… change may have been the wrong word. It felt as though he’d awoken something dormant within me, long forgotten. Something that had always been there, and merely needed a reminder.
And it was exactly what I didn’t want. I wanted my freedom. I didn’t want to be anything to anyone, and I didn’t need anyoneto be anything to me. I’d already made up my mind. After this job, I was taking my share of the earnings, and I was forging my own path. Alone. Somewhere where I could be ‘Nairu’ and only ‘Nairu’. Nothing more.
Much to my dismay, neither Kallistra, Zorinna, nor Kaz had been successful in securing meat, which meant the milkshrooms were to be the bulk of our meal, cooked up in a pot over our campfire with herbs to make a soup. It wasn’t the worst meal I’d had on the road. Not by a long shot. Kallistra and I had once eaten nothing but insects, after much debate over whether we could last another day if we chose to consume nothing at all. I, in favor of starving, had not won the argument.
“Smells delicious,” Kaz said, bumping me with his hip. He’d been gentle, but he’d still nearly knocked me off my feet.
I was stirring the pot with a large wooden spoon, waiting until the herbs had boiled down some before adding in our milkshrooms. “It’s nothing much.”
“It’s thanks to you we have something to eat at all. Don’t discount your efforts.” He took a seat on the ground beside me. “I’m going hunting next time, though. I’ll wrangle a boar with my bare hands if I have to. Bastard fish.”
“Perhaps Alandris could take over fishing.”
Kaz cocked his head to the side. “Sick of our pretty little Elf already?”
“No!” I answered too quickly, too loudly. In a panic, I peered across the way and found Alandris chatting with Zorinna, oblivious to the mention of his name. “It’s only that he is not particularly great at foraging.”
“And you, my girl, are not particularly great at hiding your emotions.” His laughter bellowed out, earning us the temporary attention of our companions.
“It—well, never mind.”
I threw the milkshrooms we’d gathered into the bubbling soup, inhaling their delicious scent as they hit the hot liquid. With the herbs we’d found, the base would have a smoky flavor. The perfect complement for the shrooms. My mouth was already watering in anticipation.
I scooped up a spoonful and held it out to Kaz. “You are the official taste tester.”