Page 25 of Shadows in Bloom

“Alandris!”

He only grinned. “If you wish to be coddled, I’m afraid you have the wrong teacher. Back into an offensive stance, then. And do not forget your dagger. If I get too close and you can’t call upon your magic in time, that would be the proper time to utilize it.”

I ran my hand along the dagger at my hip. His gift to me. We’d done some basic practice with it, but part of me didn’t want to risk damaging it with use. I figured if I found myself ina rough enough situation that I needed to use it, I didn’t stand much of a chance, anyway. It would be the last resort, if all else failed—one final, desperate reach at survival. I didn’t have the physical prowess to overpower someone in a battle of blades. It was as comforting as it was harrowing to have that dagger pressed against my side.

“You want me to stab you, then?”

“If you must. Your future opponents won’t give you a second to hesitate.”

I didn’t argue further. His points were valid. He was possibly the only person I’d ever met who didn’t treat me like a flower made of glass. Something so delicate that a single breath could shatter it. Something so incapable. It made me feel alive.

We continued on, exchanging blows for another hour or so, until we both noticed those familiar black tendrils creeping up my hands. I hadn’t even felt it this time, either from the excitement of sparring or, hopefully, because I was starting to master my power. Regardless, Alandris didn’t want to push it any further for the day, and I was reaching my physical limit. Sweat was dripping down my back, making my thin blouse stick to my skin uncomfortably. All I wanted now was a bath and a hot meal.

As we gathered our things, I allowed myself a moment to peer at Alandris. To truly look at him. The spark of something I’d felt for him had been forcibly snuffed out, and in it’s place, ignited, was a lingering doubt in my mind—I could not possibly feel something toward him. All I’d ever known was to be used by thepeople around me. I couldn’t imagine a friendship or any sort of relationship with someone that was not built out of necessity or expectation. One that I’d chosen for myself simply because I’d wanted to.

“Why are you really doing this, Alandris?” I mumbled as we packed.

He tilted his head in question, setting down his pack. “This?”

I hesitated. “I, um, teaching me magic. Kallistra likely would’ve agreed to your terms without the additional caveat of training me. She would have if you’d pushed her a bit more. You are smart enough to have known that.” I didn’t want to sound accusatory, or as though I didn’t trust him, but in some ways… I couldn’t. Kallistra’s warning, coupled with everything I’d learned from my people, was a blaring sign indicating that I should not trust Alandris. A handsome Elf with a clever tongue and sharp wits. I didn’t know much of males, but I knew enough to know such things were a dangerous combination.

“I thought it’d be interesting.” Alandris’ smile gave way to a more serious expression. “And I thought you were interesting. You have so much raw, untapped potential, but there’s also a hesitancy in you because you don’t want to disappoint anyone. I see a lot of my former self in you.”

“I don’t think we are much alike…”

He hummed in agreement. “Not anymore. I changed, of course. I intend to become an Arch Magus regardless of how many people it angers… Which is many, in case you were curious.”

“It’s not that simple for me.” I frowned. His joking nature was doing little to ease my doubts. “It’s not only disappointment. The things that are expected of me—people are relying on me to succeed and regain my magic so that I can save them.”

“It is that simple, Nairu—choosing yourself.”

The corner of my mouth quirked. “I think I’m supposed to feel offended. It sounds as though you’re calling me a coward or an idiot. I’m not sure, honestly.”

He rolled his eyes, resting a hand on my shoulder. “I am not calling you any of those things. It is my responsibility as your comrade to be honest with you.”

Comrade.I liked the word. Different from friend, and somehow more meaningful. Better than friend, because as much as I wanted a friend, I didn’t want that person to be Alandris. Because I was, in fact, an idiot, and I’d grown attached to the male. Even though I’d promised myself not to because he was my temporary teacher and nothing more. And I wanted more.

And I didn’t.

And I did. Because he was the only person who had ever shown me more. And I could blame it on that, on naivety, or loneliness, but the truth was, there was something inexplicable that happened to me every time I saw him—an irresistible tug. And I needed to drag myself away before it was too late.

I pulled away from his touch. “We should get back.”

His grip lingered on my shoulder for a moment longer before he released me. “Yes. Yes, we should.”

By the time we’d walked back to the inn, my hands were clear of any marks. Alandris excused himself to head to the library. One last chance to find something of use in that book.

Kallistra was sitting cross-legged on her bed, her knives and tools splayed out on a cloth in front of her, when I entered the room after my bath. She’d stopped ignoring me entirely, but things between us were still tense. Different. She nodded to me when I entered, but continued cleaning the dagger in her hand, its bone white handle shimmering in the light.

“I think I’m getting better at tapping into my magic,” I offered, sitting down on my bed across from hers.

She stopped. “That’s good.”

“Uh, we tried some battle practice. It went well.”

Her eyes shot up and then traveled across my body as if looking for wounds. Her expression lightened when she found nothing. “You look healthier. Stronger.”

I’d noticed the changes as well. The consistent meals were certainly helping, but the training had to be the key to my new figure. Even back home, where we never needed to worry over food, I’d always been a scrawny thing. Now, I was developing some muscle and even gaining some color in my face. For the first time in my life, I didn’t look a half inch from death. I had to wonder if it had been because of my lack of control over my magic. If it were draining me without me even trying to utilize it.

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