Page 19 of Shadows in Bloom

He’d said it so nonchalantly that my cheeks flushed, and my mouth dropped open. “I-I said that out of frustration last night.”

Alandris squeezed my hand and didn’t say a word. That small gesture was enough to break the dam holding back everything I wanted to say.

“Kallistra is dear to me. We grew up together. She and her mother are the closest thing I have to a family,” I started. “As children, we would play in the snow, chasing little white foxes through the tundra. When we’d come back, she was always scolded harshly for taking me out too far and for too long. They never disciplined me, even if I took the blame… Maybe that’s when we started to grow apart.” I frowned, letting out a sigh. “As we grew older, she was focused more on training to protect me. We stopped spending much time together, and when we did, it was often talks of our upcoming pilgrimage. She’d say it was an honor to be my Keeper, everyone said so, but in truth, I think she resented me for it.”

Alandris tilted his head in curiosity. “Why exactly do you need someone to protect you? Is it the magic you possess?”

“I’ve wondered the answer to that question my entire life.” I chuckled bitterly. “My people treat me as though I’m something inhuman—untouchable. They say I’ve been chosen by our God to save them. They say I was born for that sole reason, and in order to do so, I have to become stronger in my magic and recover what has been lost to me.”

“Do you know what’s been lost to you?”

“I wish. That’s all I get—vague prophetic messages. It’s all I am allowed to know.” The tears were welling up in my eyes, as years of withheld emotion rolled off my shoulders. “I’ve never spoken to anyone about this before.”

Alandris used his free hand to wipe a tear from my cheek that I hadn’t realized had fallen. His voice was soft as he spoke, “For you to carry this all on your own since you were a child…” He loosed a sigh. “Those meant to protect us can be so very suffocating. We aren’t pawns designed to service them…” His face was now strained, wearing an expression I had never seen from him.

“I—um. I should…” I pulled back, wiping the rest of the tears from my cheeks. Realizing the closeness between us, my cheeks grew hot, and I shook my hair from behind my ears in an attempt to hide it. “I really have said too much.”

“And yet I have more questions than when we started.” He smiled, looking up at the sky. “If you would, just answer me one final thing?”

“Alright.”

“Do you wish to continue training your magic? For yourself, not for anyone else.”

A loaded question, and the hardest one he’d dealt to me yet. Not because I didn’t trust him with the answer, but because I fought with myself about it every day. I wanted to save my people and live up to their expectations. Wanted to. Wanted to? Or had to? What would I be if not their savior? It was all I’d ever known. There was no ‘Nairu’ without that goal. I didn’t have one of my own to replace it. The core of his question, though, was freedom. Did I want to be free to make my own choices? I couldn’t keep lying to myself.

“Of course, I do.”

My response, and the confidence with which I spoke it, clearly surprised him. “In truth, I wasn’t expecting you to give me a straight answer.”

“In truth, nor was I.” I nodded my head in thought. “Go ahead and ask your mentor about my power. I want to know who I am. I want to try.”

“I will, then.”

“Kallistra can’t know about this. Any of this,” I warned.

He let out a breath of laughter. “Of course. I value my life.” Alandris lifted himself from the log. “Shall we?”

We were part way down the dirt path when I halted. “Sorry, there’s something else.” Once he’d turned around to face me, I continued. “I meant to ask you what happened. You weren’t yourself this morning…”

“Ah, yes.” He chuckled to himself. “It was a bit of a spat between Zorinna and me. It all seems a bit trivial now after everything you’ve told me today. We will get over it after a day, as old friends do.”

He seemed fine, but something still sat uncomfortably in my stomach. “I see.”

“Besides, the thing we argued about… She isn’t going to change my mind. I’ll have to change hers.” He patted the side of his neck. “Let’s get back to the others. These should be gone by the time we finish walking.”

Chapter 9

The next morning, as expected, everyone, save for Alandris, was sitting together in awkward silence, eyes looking everywhere but at one another. I was so uncomfortable sitting between Kallista and Zorinna, I could hardly stand it. When I spotted Alandris coming down the stairs, I sighed in relief. If anyone was able to mend this group, it was him.

“Friends!” Alandris greeted with a beaming smile. “There are only a few more supplies we need to acquire. Of course, I still have three weeks of training to do with Nairu, so you’re all welcome to spend your remaining time as you wish.” He lowered himself onto the stool to sit beside us.

His cheeriness was met with mostly blank stares, save for a few grunts of affirmation. I tried to muster a smile. He cleared his throat before continuing. “Well, I suppose I’ll get to theenjoyable bit, then. We need to discuss last night. I think we all got off on the wrong foot, so to speak.”

“I’d say,” Zorinna snorted.

“Regardless.” Alandris sucked his teeth. “We are all here for our own reasons, and while it is not necessary for us to share those goals, we should respect each other and work as a team for as long as we are together.”

“Or?” Kallistra piped up smugly.

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