Page 63 of Shadows in Bloom

Forge your own fate.

Zaelos’ voice? No, this was something different—something from within. My own soul’s tiny voice resisting death, begging me not to let the darkness consume us.

I don’t want to die.

Fight.

“I will.”

I rose from the ground as something different. Something other. Not human, though also not immortal. One body housing two souls and volatile, rabid magic that was barely caged within. It was enough to terrify those who looked on. Faces twisted in horror and disgust were locked onto mine as I approached the crowd, leaving Zaelos’ lifeless body behind—nothing more than an empty shell now.

My counterpart, my Keeper, was the only one brave enough to step forward to greet me. She was no older than I. Another village girl they had thrown to the wolves with no regard. I knew her as Nyla, the girl with honey-colored eyes, and just like those eyes, she was too kind and too sweet for the fate they had forced upon her. Apparently protecting the weak, the young, and the old, didn’t extend to this particular circumstance. Not when we could be used as fodder.

“Nairu, let’s get you warm,” she said, wrapping her hand around mine.

I didn’t think I would ever feel warmth again, but I followed her all the same.

Nyla brought me into her family’s home—my new home, as was determined by the village elders—and drew my bath water. Lovely scents of lavender and mint drifted through the air while I stood silently, watching her fuss and scurry to light various candles about the room. I wasn’t sure what I felt about seeing her like that. She exuded such vibrancy and cheerfulness, while I experienced a sense of numbness, vulnerability, on the verge of shattering. It wasn’t that I envied her, but she did make me hate myself, my inadequacy, a little bit more.

“May I undress you?”

I nodded, unable to find my voice.

I watched her in the mirror, and for the first time, I saw what had become of me. My dark brown hair had faded to a stark white. Once amber eyes had shifted to an unnatural, pale red, faintly glowing in the light. Skin that had been softly tanned was now the color of cold marble. Like his had been. My features were now a near spitting image of Zaelos’. His magic, or perhaps his soul, had drained me of everything I was. My skin clung to my bones unnaturally. Even in my sickness, I’d never been so gaunt. I was a monster in a human girl’s skin, unable to contain the powerful magic within.

“You arestill beautiful,” Nyla mumbled, catching my gaze in the mirror. “They will get used to it. The others, I mean. At least you didn’t grow horns like he had.”

My mouth dropped open. “Are you… making a joke?”

A small chuckle left her lips. “I guess I am. What else am I to do in this situation? We are utterly fucked, aren’t we?”

“If you’re saying that, then we really must be.”

We laughed together until that laughter turned to tears—tears we both decided to pretend were falling from amusement, and not sorrow.

Chapter 33

“Idreamed of my first life.”

Alandris’ arm curled around my back, dragging me closer. For all of his complaints about taking a moment’s rest, he certainly looked comfortable now, with eyes half open and stained with sleep. If that wasn’t enough to betray the fact that he had in fact fallen asleep despite his protests, the deep, groggy nature of his voice had made it obvious.

“How do you feel?” he asked.

It wasn’t the question I was expecting, but it was part of why I loved him. Before he cared about what I’d learned or seen, he wanted to make sure I was alright. Such a simple thing, but my feelings had never come first with anyone else. “I’m not sure, to be honest,” I murmured. “Is that odd?”

He tucked a loose strand of hair behind my ear. “No. I can’t even imagine how it would be to slowly regain the memories of all of those lives. It can’t be easy.”

“I don’t remember everything. I think, until I do, it will all feel fragmented. It’s difficult to discern which memory belongs to which life,” I explained. “This time it was clear, though. I remembered what it felt like to be truly human. I was sick with something, weaker than the rest—that’s why my people chose me as their sacrifice. I had an unbelievable amount of hatred and resentment in my heart. I didn’t have a choice in the matter regardless, but when Zaelos offered me power—strength—I took it happily. I didn’t fight him. I didn’t even try.”

“Zaelos?”

“The name of that thing inside of me. He called himself Zaelos. Is the name familiar to you?”

Alandris shook his head. “It is reminiscent of typical Elven and Fae naming conventions, but I can’t say it is familiar to me, no. If he is, or was, a God, then he is either not well known, or has been scrubbed from history.”

“I believe he was a Fae, given his appearance.” I frowned. “I wish I knew more, but I know one thing for certain—I want him out. I’m done being a vessel. Whatever his ultimate goal in using me is, I want no part in it. I am only after my freedom and peace. Anger, hate, revenge—I was wrong about all of it. I was wrong about a lot of things…

“Part of the memory centered around my first Keeper, Nyla. It made me think about my relationship with Kallistra. I-I don’tknow if it is repairable at this point, but I at least want her to find her own happiness. If she can manage to allow me to walk away from this path we are on, then I can grant her the same. I am not the same person I was in my first life… I can be better.”

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