Page 54 of Shadows in Bloom

“No! This isn’t you!” she yelled, holding the blade in front of her. “It is him. The monster consuming you.”

“I am not the monster.” I smiled widely. “You are.”

Dark magic erupted from my body, shadows manifesting as arms and hands, and wrapping themselves around Lyssa’s body. The largest pair gripped her neck, tainting her skin with black marks as they squeezed. I was only faintly aware of the fact that thewoman struggling before me was one I had once considered a friend. In the red of my vision, she was no more than an enemy.

“Please, N-Nairu,” she choked out, her body twitching on the ground.

The snapping of her neck sounded through the silence of the hold like the shot of a cannon. Her eyes, wide open in shock, stared at a place somewhere deep inside of me, until I could no longer bear to look at her.

I fell to my knees, vomited up the contents of my stomach, and collapsed into darkness. Shadows swarmed around me, ripping the boat to pieces. I could do nothing but watch as the water crashed through the wood and swallowed me whole.

I woke with such intense nausea bubbling in my stomach that I had barely enough time to rush to the corner on my wobbly legs to vomit behind a pile of rocks. Bile burned the back of my throat until there was nothing left inside of me to empty. Tears streamed down my face as I struggled to catch my breath. My heart was hammering in my chest, recalling the horrific dream. No, the memory.

I was a murderer.

Alandris was at my side before I had a chance to recover myself. He pulled me into his arms, brushing my hair, slick with sweat, away from my forehead. I didn’t have the mind to care if it was only he and Zorinna who were awake. I needed him, and the comfort he brought me. I didn’t deserve him, but I needed him.

“Shh… it’s alright.” He rubbed circles on my back with one hand while the other stroked down my hair.

The quickened, persistent beat of his heart lulled me into enough of a calm that after a few minutes, I was able to speak. “I am not who you think I am, Alandris.” I kept my voice as low as possible. “I am so, so angry, and I can’t control it. This magic doesn’t belong to me, and I fear if I continue to attempt to make it my own, I will hurt someone.”

He adjusted himself so that I could have a clear view of his eyes. “I will help you, but you need to tell me what happened.”

I shook my head roughly. “No. No. You are everything good and light. You use your magic to help others. To teach. I am—I am wrong. There is something evil inside of me, and it will not rest until it takes me.”

Alandris leaned to the side, looking toward the dais. He placed both hands on the sides of my face and blurted, “We need to go back. They are waking up. I will find a way for us to speak in private. For now, I need you to stay strong. Can you wait for me?”

I sucked in my lower lip and nodded. “Yes.”

He kissed my forehead before lifting me up onto my feet. “And Nairu? I have said this before, but I will repeat—there is nothing wrong with you. Whatever is going on, we will figure it out together.”

I didn’t have the heart to argue. When he learned the truth of what slept inside of me, when he learned of my curse, and of what I’d done, he would no longer believe those words. I had fought against the idea that I was a monster in vain. I’d been in denial all along. My people had reason to isolate me, fear me, revere me. I was housing magic, dark and powerful beyond my imagination. Magic that acted on my emotions. Magic I couldn’t control. Magic capable of murder.

As I approached the dais, Kallistra’s eyes met mine, and I saw her for the first time. A woman desperate for freedom as much as I was. A woman whose ancestors had died protecting me for the hope that one day I would free them from their curse. A woman whose honey-colored eyes matched those of the ones who had stared at me like I was evil incarnate as the life left her body. I knew she had no choice but to lie, but I hated her for it, and I hated myself all the same.

When she softly smiled at me, it was a sad and pitiful thing, and I wondered if she secretly hated me, too. We’d loved each other like blood as children, but that innocence had long since faded. We were predestined to become enemies. My freedom meant hers would never come. Her freedom meant I’d lost my own. It was a song and dance we would never escape. Love and hate. Betrayal and death.

Chapter 28

“I’ve translated five of the symbols, but three continue to elude me,” Alandris explained. He’d had no success during his watch, but we’d decided it best that he took credit for the translations I’d made. “I am afraid further study of the symbols will yield no additional results. It would be best to take our chances exploring the three unknown hallways rather than waste more time.”

“Shall we split up, then?” Zorinna questioned. “For a cursory glance, at least. If we find anything of note, we can reconvene here. Let’s say… one hour?”

Alandris nodded his agreement. “Very well. I’ll take the leftmost hall, but at least one of us should keep watch here.”

“I’m not as quick as you,” Kaz said, stepping forward. “But I’m one hell of a guard.”

“I’ll take middle,” Zorinna added.

Kallistra shifted beside me. “Right side.”

All eyes shifted to me as I faced the choice of whom to join. As selfish as it was, I wanted to stay with the one person who wouldn’t question how awful I looked and who wouldn’t make me talk about it. I needed more time to process my chaotic thoughts on my own. “I’ll stay on guard with Kaz.”

Kallistra reached toward me as though she might refuse, but she pulled her hand back, tucking it into her pocket. After what she’d admitted to me about my role as a vessel, I wasn’t surprised she wasn’t trying harder to force a reconciliation between us. She had to know the harder she pushed me, the harder I would pull away. She would give me space, for now, hoping I would come to my senses and do what it took for the ‘greater good’ of our people.

Because that’s who I was. At least, that’s who I always had been. Until now.

Kaz and I were doing little else than twiddling our thumbs while we waited. As far as I could tell, there was only one entrance to the cavern—the way we came in—and we would be able to see anyone or anything coming toward us well in advance. Getting down those rocks hadn’t been easy, but they were a great defense.

---