Page 16 of Reel Love

Alana

“You are not leaving this tower EVER!”

~ Tangled

Joel is waiting at the private dock bright and early to take me across the channel. I’ve got a meeting in Studio City mid-morning today to go over a script in person with the casting director and producer. I’m wearing a hoodie, jeans shorts, deck shoes and one of probably one hundred pairs of sunglasses I own.

The movie star sunglasses are the equivalent of an ostrich sticking his head in the sand. That bird and I both believe hiding one small part of ourselves means we’re incognito, when we both should know we’re the only ones being fooled. Still, I feel safer behind my Jackie Ohh Ray-Bans. They’re one more layer of protection between me and the insatiable world around me.

“Good morning, Layna,” Joel says as he extends his hand to me so I can board his motorboat. I hand him my duffle filled with a change of clothes, my makeup bag and hair supplies.

Layna is such an unimaginative pseudonym. We could have gone with anything from Marge to Bambi or even Aphrodite.Layna is so similar to Alana, but so far it has worked. I even use it when I stay in hotels. Layna Vargas. I’ve had so many personas in my life between the characters I’ve portrayed and the shifting of my own name, it’s a wonder I even know who I am anymore.

“Good morning, Joel. Thank you for arranging to take me on such short notice.”

“I live to serve,” he jokes, taking a half-bow to emphasize his words.

I settle on the cushioned seats at the back of the boat. Joel stands at the captain’s chair, turns the key and reverses away from the dock. Then he turns the boat and we’re off, the bow tipping up over cresting waves, and the spray softly misting across my face.

“Tell me about your normal life,” I shout to Joel over the roar of the engine and the slap of the water against the sides of the boat.

“Come sit next to me so we don’t have to shout.” He looks back at me with a friendly wink.

Joel was hired by Brigitte. She’s a finder of people and solutions. Somehow she managed to discover this guy who’s in his late twenties and has never seen one of my movies and never wants to. He’s completely unimpressed by me. He’s also signed an NDA and went through whatever other security checks we needed before he was granted clearance to be my water-taxi driver and my grocery delivery person, among other random tasks he does for me.

I’m hard pressed to decide whether I should indulge myself in a conversation with Joel or simply sit back here and enjoy the feel of the wind and water on my face. Joel wins out. He’s entertaining and always has a fun story for me if I’m in the mood to hear it. When I’m not feeling so chatty, he respects my privacy and leaves me alone to my thoughts.

I stand and make my way to the passenger seat next to the captain’s chair at the front of the boat.

“Want to drive?” he offers.

I’ve never taken him up when he asks. Maybe oneday I’ll confess that I don’t know how to drive—a car, a boat, or any other motorized vehicle. I’ve never needed to. I live on an island where we get around by bike, golf cart or foot. And I spend most of my days on Marbella enjoying my privacy on my property. When I’m in LA, I have a driver. And here’s Joel, shuttling me across the water.

“Nah. You drive,” I answer. “I just want to hear what you’ve been up to. Give me a peek into some normalcy.”

“You want a peek into normalcy? I’d take you out with me to Club Descanso if you wanted.”

“That dance club that only holds one hundred and fifty people?”

He nods.

“I don’t see what could possibly go wrong there. I mean, stars do that all the time—showing up at a local club and fitting right in.”

“We could get you a wig.” He looks so sincere. “And one of those big oafs of yours could come over to the island for the occasion, just to be certain no one messed with you. My buddy’s brother is a bouncer there a couple of nights a week. I’d make sure he was there. He’d keep the fans at bay. You’d have fun.”

“Fun.” I stare out at the mainland shore in the distance. “I’m not sure if having fun is in any of my contracts. I’ll have to read the fine print.”

“Let me get this straight,” Joel teases. “I’m offering you a night out with all this,” he waves his hand from his chin downward. “And guaranteeing you not one, but two bodyguards, in addition to my expertise in a very specific martial art. And you are declining?”

“Martial arts? Which martial art do you know?”

“I’m a master at Ah Ah Chi Yu.”

“What is that? I’ve never heard of it.”

“If someone gets too close to you, I sneeze like an elephant breathing in a vat of baby powder. They won’t know what hit ’em. Ah ah chee-ew!”

I laugh at the dorky joke and Joel smiles. He’s extremely pleased with himself.

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