Page 131 of Resorting to Romance

“Oh, Noah,” I say.

I can’t think of anything else to say. When I reach for him, he pulls back a little like a frightened animal. So, I sit with him, allowing him the dignity to process this huge chunk of life-altering information. It would be absurd to think he’d just swallow it in one bite without any emotional reaction.

I knew this would happen. Nothing could have prepared me for the feeling of helplessness I’m sitting through right now while my seven-year-old handles the aftermath of his father’s broken choices.

“Does Mister Brad have to come live with us?”

“Oh! Is that what you thought?” I smooth my hand along Noah’s shin, and he lets me. “No. He doesn’t have to live with us. He won’t be living with us. I’m not married to him. We won’t be getting married again. He just wants to be in your life.”

Noah’s eyes lift toward the ceiling like he’s assimilating all of that into the news that Brad is his biological father.

When he looks at me again, he asks, “Like letting me drive the skid steer?”

“Yes. Like that.”

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Yeah. He can be my dad as long as he doesn’t live with us.”

Within a matter of minutes, I’ve been swept out in a riptide and plopped back safely on shore. Relief floods me. Noah knows. The secret is out. And he’s temporarily okay. There may be more swells down the road. But for tonight, he’s accepting that Brad is his dad, and he also knows my lines. Maybe my lines are the key to his acceptance. He doesn’t have to let Brad in too far. But he can allow him into his life at some level.

And those lines of mine are solid and firm, a stone breakwall against the impact of the sea. I won’t ever be getting back together with Brad, no matter what happens with Kai. Brad and I are finished. For good.

“Mom?” Noah yawns as he says myname.

“Yeah, Noah?”

“Can I tell you a secret?”

“You can tell me anything.”

He pauses, his eyes on mine, as if he’s weighing whether he can really tell me whatever it is he wants to say.

Then he says, “I wish Unko Kai was my dad. He does things a dad does. And I think he likes you like a dad likes a mom. He always looks at you too much. And you look at him too much too. Maybe one day he could live here instead of Mister Brad.”

I try not to let my smile crack across my face, but I can’t help it. I keep it to a grin, though.

“Maybe. We’ll see. We’d have to be boyfriend and girlfriend first.”

“That’s gross. But if you have to, I won’t look.”

“You won’t look?”

“When you kiss.” Noah makes a sour face and sticks his tongue out to emphasize just how distasteful the idea of me and Kai kissing is to him. It’s the very same face he makes when I try to serve him Brussels sprouts.

“Okay. Deal.” I stick my hand out and he shakes it, just like he shook Brad’s the other day.

“There’s not any guarantee that Kai and I will be more than friends, Noah. Just so you know. But I know this. Kai will always be there for you, because he loves you.”

“I know. And he’ll always be there for you too.”

“What makes you say that?”

“Because he loves you too.”

THIRTY-EIGHT

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