Page 87 of Resorting to Romance

I do. I can’t even speak. My emotions well up like a rising tide. Images of Brad meeting Noah for the first time, the way he looked—defeated and desperate—flash in my mind. I might not want Brad back, but I can’t help but pity him.

And then there are all the unknowns. Will Noah hate me when he finally learns Brad wasn’t just a high school friend? Will my son think I was purposely hiding important facts from him? Will it break our trust? This evening, I asked Noah what he’d do if his dad showed up one day—just to prime the pump. I have to start leading my son toward the truth inch by inch. But every inch feels like a step into something completely unknown and overwhelmingly out of my control.

Then there’s Kai. He’s the best man I know—the best person I know. And he’s not faking the way he cares for me right now. He’s always showing up like this for me. He came over here to be alongside me because he knew without me telling him that I needed company tonight. He’s the type of man a woman could easily spend the rest of her life with, only by the time I’ll possibly be ready for romance, he’ll probably have someone else.

That thought hits me hard: Kai with another woman.

I swallow a lump forming in my throat.

Kai nudges me gently. “You want to talk about it?”

“Not really. It’s just a lot.”

“Yeah, it is. And you handled things with grace, kindness, and wisdom today, Mila. I was so proud of you. Does that sound weird?”

“No. It’s sweet, actually.”

“I watched you muscle through one of the hardest things I can imagine. And you did it with such care for each person involved. I don’t know how you do that.”

“Do what?”

Call me greedy, but I need to hear Kai’s accolades right now.

“Always thinking of others. Always using a gentle touch when most people would be pulling out the big guns or reacting with intense emotion. They’d be justified. But instead of blowing up or losing it, you’re steady and gracious. I could see you trying to smooth the way for Brad, even when it scared you to let him have this opportunity.”

“You saw all that?”

“I did. And I was in awe.”

I turn and look up at Kai and he doesn’t look away.

If this thing between us were real, this would be the moment I’d reach up and kiss him. Oh, would I kiss him. Not on the corner of the mouth either.

We sit like that, quietly studying one another. It could be awkward, but it’s not. It’s comfortable. And reassuring. I turn back to my bowl of ice cream, and then I lean my head on Kai’s shoulder and he lets me. We finish our desserts in this cocoon of ours. It’s not a blanket fort, but it may as well be. When we’re both scraping the bottoms of the bowls, I stand.

“Try not to run ahead of yourself,” Kai says as he pulls himself up off the floor.

“What do you mean?”

“Thinking about what’s next and next and next with Brad.”

“I’ve already run that mental path a few times just this evening,” I confess.

“I figured. But you’re doing great. And as long as you take this one step at a time, one encounter at a time, you’ll see the road ahead of you clearly. We’re never given the five year plan, but somehow we get to see the next right step if we look for it and only it.”

“Wise words.”

Kai smiles softly at me before he takes my bowl and walks to the sink to wash it. I want to step up behind him, wrap my arms around his waist and lean my head on his back. To have him turn around and face me, to lean in and kiss me for real. Yes. My emotions are high after today, and my head has been swimming ever since Brad showed up. But I’m not confused about the man currently washing my dishes. Not at all.

He said,Friends. That’s what friends do for one another. Mila, I’ll always be your friend. And that’s good, considering I’m not planning to complicate my life or Noah’s with any men. I’m so very tempted to make an exception right now. So. Very. Tempted.

But Kai’s friendship is a safe harbor for me in a very turbulent season. I don’t want to risk losing or damaging what we have—not even for a kiss I’m quite certain would be the best of my life.

Kai dries the bowls and sets them back in the cupboard. I didn’t even try to tell him to leave them. I know he wouldn’t have listened to me. He wanted to take care of me, so I let him.

He’s about to leave now. I wish he could stay. There’s something in his presence that makes all the complications of my life fall into order like a winning round of Tetris.

“Thank you again,” I say when we reach the back door.

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