Page 90 of Catch a Wave

“I stood there, frozen in my living room, powerless to act or do anything useful. I beat myself up that whole day. I should have been there, watching you in person, hopping on a jet ski to try to rescue you.”

“Kai? Seriously?”

He stares at me with an intensity I’ve rarely seen in him. But under that veneer is my brother—the one I ran with through tall grasses and over sandy beaches. The one who let me trail behind him and his friends while he called me a grommie. He’s always had an eye out for me. My brother’s far more sensitive than I am in many ways. It’s almost as though his heart’s too soft, so he has to cover it up with bossiness and detachment. But I see him. It’s pretty hard to hide from your sibling.

“Kai.”

I reach out and put my hand over his. My voice is gentle.

“You’re my brother, not my maker. Yes, you have an obligation to watch over me. That’s how we were raised. But, man. I wouldn’t want to be in your shoes. How are you supposed to keep a daredevil like me from ever taking risks that could end badly? That’s not your job. You’re giving me a place to stay. You’ve been supportive and watchful. That’s what it looks like to be a big brother. But cushioning my life or being my constant shadow? No. That’s too much. Trust me. I’m a woman now. It’s time for you to let me be responsible for my own outcomes.”

“I just worry about you. I guess it’s over the top like you and Bodhi always say.”

“No. Well, yeah. You have your moments, but when I imagine life without a brother like you … I’m lucky to have you.”

He smiles at me. I don’t tell him often enough.

“I love you, Kai.”

“I love you too, Kala. And, I’ll try to dial it back a bit.”

“Thanks. Any level short of personal armed bodyguard and keeper of my tower will be appreciated.”

He chuckles and pulls me into a hug.

His next question catches me off guard. He’s still holding me in a brotherly embrace when he asks, “So, you and Bodhi?”

“Um. Yeah. Maybe. I don’t know.” I pull away from Kai, smiling up at him. “I never stopped loving him.”

“I know. I’m pretty sure he never got over you either. I just don’t want to see you two crash and burn again.”

I nod. Kai took our breakup nearly as hard as we did. I had no idea he’d taken Bodhi in, but that means he never had a reprieve from the reality of our separation.

This whole morning has taken a turn for the serious. I’m glad Kai and I talked, though. We needed this. Still, I want the joy of my time on the water back.

“We’re surfing tomorrow morning,” I tell Kai. “Why don’t you come out with us?”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“I’d like that.”

“It will be just like old times.”

Old times, when Bodhi and I thought nothing could dim our light.

BODHI

(DATING FOR OVER TWO YEARS)

Sadly enough, the most painful goodbyes

are the ones that are left unsaid and never explained.

~ Jonathan Harnisch

We’d all been watching the Pacific Islands Ocean Observing System live wave observation charts for weeks. A big swell has been expected at Jaws, otherwise known by its official name, Pe’ahi. It’s Maui’s biggest surfing break. Some friends and I reserved a couple of small chartered planes on standby to take us to Maui as soon as we hear that the big waves hit.

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