Page 104 of Catch a Wave

“Sure. Take your time. And if Bodhi wants to come along, his invite is open. No pressure on either of you.”

“No pressure?” I tease Jammer.

“Okay. Well, a little pressure. Just enough to get you to say yes.”

I smile. “Thanks, Jammer. I’ll let you know.”

We hang up and I set the book aside. I don’t really need to think this over—not for me, I don’t. But with Bodhi refusing to go, I think I need to talk to him.

Bodhi comes home from work alone right around dinner time. He’s carrying a bag of tacos with him. Kai had to do something, he didn’t say what, so it’s just me, Bodhi and Shaka in the house this evening.

“Hey, babe,” Bodhi sets the bag of tacos on the counter and pulls me into his arms.

There’s something lighter about him since we talked the other day. It’s like he needed permission to choose this life. I’d never push him into something he doesn’t feel ready for. He didn’t push me. I don’t think he knows what really caused our demise last time. It wasn’t his inability to move forward. It was how he shut me out. I don’t know what we’ll do if I start surfing again professionally, but I know we can make anything work if we’re both willing to communicate and be real with one another. For a man who lets everything he’s thinking fall right out of his mouth, he has the hardest time being vulnerable when it matters most.

I lean into his arms. He cups my jaw and looks down into my face like he’s holding something precious, but also, like he’s about to say goodbye. I know he isn’t. We just overcame a massive hurdle. Still, the expression on his face sends a shot of apprehension through me. I want to assure him we’re good. We can ride this wave too—whatever it brings.

“I love you, Mavs.”

The air nearly leaves my lungs. I actually gasp.

“You … love me?”

“I always loved you. I never stopped. I love you so much it breaks me. And then it puts me back together. You are the only woman I’d ever consider making a life with. I love you.”

I feel tears prick the corners of my eyes and fall down my cheeks while a smile stretches my face wide. “Bodhi, I love you so much. I missed you.”

I sob a little, the weight of how much we’ve endured and how much I missed him washing over me in one powerful swell. “I love you, Bodhi Merrick. No matter what.”

He leans in and claims me with a kiss so fierce and full, I almost tip backwards. His hands still cup my jaw. I grip the sides of his shirt at his waist and hold him to me. We kiss with forgiveness and hope and hunger and healing. And then our kisses soften, and Bodhi’s stroking my hair and pulling away to say things like, “I missed you so much,” and, “Never again, Mavs,” and, “You’re it for me.” The things he mutters are nearly incoherent strings of promises and regrets and declarations, all punctuated with soft kisses to my jaw, my mouth, my cheeks.

I pull back and our eyes meet. “Bodhi, you aren’t losing me.”

I have to say what I sense he’s thinking.

“I might go back to competing. That doesn’t mean you have to. We can make anything work as long as we do it together.”

He’s quiet. His eyes soften. There’s this unspoken moment between us where I am the private witness to something shiftinginside him. We stand there, gripping one another, wordlessly coming home.

“I never wanted to be the one to hold you back.” His voice is low and serious.

“You don’t hold me back. No one has ever believed in me like you do. I wouldn’t have gotten in the water without you. You push me forward. You need to see that—the power and influence you have. You make a difference. I need you.”

He smiles at me. “Back then, after the accident, I was so crushed. I couldn’t stand the idea of you giving everything up for me. You had so much momentum. It was your time to shine. I didn’t want to put a dimmer on how far you could go.”

“I understand that now. But it would have been so much better if you could have given me the choice. It was my decision to stay or move on. You took that from me.”

He smooths my hair and then he places a soft kiss on my forehead.

“Forgive me, Mavs. I wasn’t in my right mind. My headspace was so messed up. All I could think was that I was going down like a sinking ship, and I couldn’t bear to take you with me.”

“And it nearly killed me to watch you drown while shoving me onto shore.”

“I know, babe. I know. If I could go back and do it over …”

“We’re not going back. We’re moving forward.”

“Agreed. Moving forward. I’m here. And I’m yours, Mavs. I’m in. I don’t want to push you out. Just promise me you won’t let me hold you back.”

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